Page Six - Surging New York Jets quarterback [Sam] Darnold celebrated his team’s Sunday afternoon routing of the Raiders long into the night — but he may have taken on a little too much “jet fuel,” sources tell Page Six.
We’re told that Bounce Sporting Club in the Flatiron District hosted Darnold and his teammates after they walloped the Oakland Raiders, 34-3, at MetLife Stadium.
“They were celebrating like they’d just won the Super Bowl,” said a spy on the scene. “Sam Darnold was wasted, hooking up with some girl. The other guys on the team had to [look after] him.”
“[There was] a limo driving him and the players around all night,” added the source.
I get that Page Six is a gossip column. And the best in the business, no question about it. I personally owe them a debt of gratitude for providing the perfect blog fodder over the years.
But this is what it's come to?
"Athlete Drinks Responsibly With Teammates and Attractive Female" is a story now? When do we get "Sun Comes Up Over Eastern Horizon in A.M." and "Temperatures Drop in November" delivered as breaking news?
Again, I understand it's celebrity gossip and celebrity gossip is the very reason for Page Six's existence. But the "spy on the scene" who contacted them needs to fuck right off. No one's ever going to mistake me for a Jets fan. But if Sam Darnold is going out and getting trashed with his teammates and picking up women after crushing the Raiders, he's not only doing what he should be, he's personally giving me what he owes me.
As I've said before, Quarterback is more than just a job. It's an archetype. A symbol of American manhood. As iconic as the Cowboy, the Astronaut or the Rock Star. It's part of our national identity. Ordinary men like me live vicariously through men like Sam Darnold. So, I imagine, do his teammates. If he's not going out and knocking back a few with them and exercising the quarterback's Writ of Prima Dibs on the best looking woman available, he's not being the leader he should be. Good for Darnold that he's meeting his obligation to them. And to a lesser extent, me.
Sam Darnold is 22. And handsome. And the latest hope of a franchise that has had very little of it for 50 years. In a city that [researching now... has an adult population of 6.7 people ... subtract 1.1 elderly ... multiply by 52%] just under 3 million adult, non-elderly females. It would only be newsworthy if he wasn't "hooking up" with one of them on a night off.
Call me what you will. OK Boomer me if you must. But I pine for those days when athletes going out and tearing up the town was a thing that was celebrated by one and all. Legendary stories that good men told to their sons to inspire them to greatness. Like the Yankees rookie who walked into his hotel room to find Babe Ruth on the floor, beer in one hand, hot dog in the other and a hooker riding him and saying "Hiya, kid!" Joe Namath, Mickey Mantle and Jack Lambert downing Johnny Walker Red at the Pussycat on 49th, Joe taking home cocktail waitresses and banging them on the llama-skinned rug in his bachelor pad. The Big, Bad Bruins playing "Spin the Bobby," where they'd blindfold Orr, have him stick out his hand, spin him around and whichever chick he ended up pointing to was his for the night. That was living.
Now a healthy, single, apparently mono-free, sexually active adult male with the natural urges we all have goes out for a night of fun and a limo to safely get everyone home and we treat it like ... what, exactly? A scandal? Something to scold him for? Is this supposed to be a "Won't somebody please think of the children?" thing? Because in my America, we encourage the children to work hard, believe in themselves, achieve things and become the next Sam Darnold having a responsible, well-behaved night of good times in the city with the most fun to be had. I like to think that America still exists, but I'm having my doubts.