Fat, drunk, and stupid and poorly dressed is no way to go through life, son. Thank God for this kid the last part is over. Now you just need some touching up.
Time to reload the Miltons machine. Send all sob stories to email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org and help us help you. And you need to send pictures! If you sent an email without a picture resend with one to be considered.
Viva La Stool