Gadget Gesture — Social media’s great role is to bring people together so that everyone can be one big happy family. Fortunately, not everyone thinks that way. There are many apps that tell you where your friends are to get to meet them faster if you’re out on a Friday night and you want to hang out. But what if you’re out on a Friday night and you don’t want to see your ex boyfriend or your boss? Then you must get the new Cloak app for iPhone that will help you avoid human contact by telling you where they are. How does the new Cloak app work? It’s very simple. By gathering the geographic info provided by the Instagram and Foursquare accounts of your friends and determining if anyone is anywhere near you. The pictures of the people who are in your area are displayed on a map that is relative to where you’re located. If there are people you definitely want to avoid, just tap on their photo and “flag” them so that they won’t see where you are.
Fantastic app. It might not help you avoid everyone you hate, but it does filter out a very important demographic: assholes who list their location on social media.
These types are a special breed. The type that posts selfies with their kitty cats and sends you candy crush invites til the cows go home. The type that retweets parody accounts and #TBT’s and #FF’s their tits off. The type that thinks everyone is their best friend and gets way too excited to see people they barely know when they leave the house. Not satisfied with a wave, have to run up to you and ask a million questions about your life. It’s like, hey toots, we already had this unnecessary conversation at the bar the night before Thanksgiving. I didn’t give you the time of day in high school, didn’t pay you any attention that night, and I sure as shit don’t want to now. I’m hungover as fuck and I just want to pick up my bagel and coffee without having to hear about the same garbage I see on Facebook every day.
They’re relentless. They’re all one in the same, and they’re generally completely oblivious to the fact that everyone hopes they crash into a cell phone tower and die a fiery ironic death. So dap to the Cloak app. If it helps me avoid just one stop-and-chat with one these morons, it will have been more than worth it.