Does This Look Like The Face of A Pimp Who Savagely Stomped On A John's Head And Is Now Suing Nike For $100 Million Because They Failed To Label Their Shoes As Dangerous Weapons?

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The Blaze – An Oregon pimp that employed a pair of Nike shoes to brutally beat a man has filed a $100 million lawsuit against the athletic company for not labeling their product as “dangerous.”  According to USA TodaySirgiorgio Sanford Clardy, 26, used a pair of Nike Jordan shoes to repeatedly stomp on the face of a client after the man allegedly wouldn’t pay his prostitute for the services he had received. In early 2013, Clardy was found guilty of second-degree assault for the crime, which required the beaten man to obtain reconstructive plastic surgery, and a litany of other crimes, ultimately earning him a 100-year prison sentence, according to The Oregonian. Now, the former pimp is blaming Nike for his woes and has authored a three-page handwritten complaint, asking a judge to order the athletic company to place warning labels on “potentially dangerous Nike and Jordan merchandise.” “Under product liability there is a certain standard of care that is required to be up-held by potentially dangerous product …” wrote Clardy, who is representing himself, according to The Oregonian. “Do (sic) to the fact that these defendants named in this Tort claim failed to warn of risk or to provide an adequate warning or instruction it has caused personal injury in the likes of mental suffering.” Clardy noted that he has starved himself and attempted suicide several times.

Whats the old adage? Pimpin ain’t easy? You’re goddam right its not. Especially not nowadays. You got online dating services and Craigslist casual encounters. High end escort services. Normal, non-working girls are just sluttier than ever. Incredible amounts of competition out there. And to top it all of Nike can’t even give you a heads up that their sneakers are deadly weapons when you’re stomping on a John’s head. How’s Sirgiorgio supposed to know that if you don’t put a warning on the tag? Nike shoes are basketball sneakers. They are running shoes. They have soft little air bubbles. Their soles are like pillow clouds. How’s Sirgiorgio supposed to know stomping on a John’s head is is gonna send him to prison for 100 years? Its hard out here for a pimp.

PS – That fro is absolutely tremendous. So on point.