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We Need A Support Group For Everyone Who Turned The Game Off Early

This is the absolute worst type of news to wake up to. This morning I rolled over and checked my lavender-colored iPhone 11 (I didnt think the pro was worth the extra cost. Light purple is beautiful) and was shocked to see my timeline still abuzz with Myles Garrett news. 

I thought the game was over. It was a boring competition filled with terrible quarterback play. I have gotten to see enough bad QB play to last me a lifetime as a Jaguars fan so I didn't need to see the last couple of plays. I turned off the game and clicked on the ole netflix device. 

What did I watch? The same thing I do every evening; I watched the Great British Baking Show because the calm dispositions of the hosts make me happy. It's not contentious and you learn some pretty good tips. 

Anyway, when I saw that helmet fly and hit ole Mason way above the dixie line, my mouth was agape like a milf butthole porn circa 1998. Deep stuff. Wide-open. You can see all the spokes and the train coming down the tracks. Gross but true.

I sat up in bed and muttered softly and sadly, "I'll never be able to live-tweet that event. Ever. Sure, the breads they made last night were gorgeous but I threw away hundreds of likes and retweets as a cost." Not worth it. Not worth it at all. 

Im sure many of you were like that as well. We could have watched the game unfold in real-time; instead, our heads are spinning with takes about Myles and Mason this morning. Im not sure if I'll be able to recover today, honestly. Thank god it's Friday and the weekend is coming. Otherwise, we'd be in a world of hurt, not as bad as Mason but still pretty bad.