Dave Portnoy Reporting Live From the Eye of the Storm - Barstool College Football Show Week 5WATCH NOW

Dudes Show Up Thinking They're About To Fuck A Chick In A Bed Of Cash. Get Robbed Instead.



(voice)For the second time in two days, a pair of robbers lured two out-of-town men into a lurid trap. Around 10 p.m. on May 29, a man was robbed of $2,000 at gun- and knife-point in the 600 block of Tyrella Avenue — in front of the same apartment complex where a man was robbed just after midnight on May 28 in a very similar fashion, according to Sgt. Sean Thompson, public information officer for the Mountain View Police Department. Both men had come to meet a would-be date — whom they had met online — at the Tyrella Avenue apartment complex. Both had been told to bring $2,000, Thompson said. In the first victim’s case, he told police he and his date had made plans to spread the cash over the bed before having sex. Whatever the agreed-upon reason for bringing the cash, both men — the first, a 22-year-old from San Jose; the second, a 30-year-old from Sunnyvale — never saw the woman, according to Thompson. Instead, in both cases, while waiting outside the apartment complex, the men were approached from behind by two men who held them up with a gun and a knife and stole their cash, Thompson said. In the case of the 30-year-old man, the men also stole a gold ring and an iPhone. The robbers were described as Hispanic men in their mid-20s, about 5-feet-7-inches tall and weighing about 150 pounds.


Do you think there’s anything better than sex on a bed of cash? Honest question. Ignoring how filthy money is: do you think anything on planet earth beats fucking while swimming in cash? I doubt it. It’s the ultimate, “I made it” move. Sex alone is awesome. Money alone is awesome. When the two become one it has to be phenomenal. Doggy style looking down at an ass, with your riches in your peripheral, then firing off a facial on a chick and a couple Benjamins is THE power move.

Now, do you think there’s anything worse than being prepared to do that then getting a gun and knife shoved in your face and all your money stolen? From the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. Oh you thought you were gonna fuck a hot chick Scrooge McDuck style? Nope, you’re getting robbed by two borderline midget Mexicans. Enjoy your blue balls.