Des Moines Register-A man was arrested Friday after an angry confrontation with his brother over his eating habits, according to a police report. The two brothers, who are in their 50s, live together on Des Moines’ east side. The victim told police that his brother, Jerome Davis, “made three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and ate them in the living room.” “Within the next hour, the suspect made another three of these peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, bringing his total consumption of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to six. This angered the victim,” the police report said. The victim confronted Davis about overeating, which quickly escalated, according to the report. “Both victim and suspect began yelling about the other being lazy and ‘eating again,’ ” police said. Davis then pulled out a folding knife and held it to the face of his brother, threatening to cut him. When police arrived, they took two folding knives from Davis, who told police he had made the threats against his brother because he wouldn’t “shut the (expletive) up and mind his own business.”
What a story! It’s got everything. Family strife, conflict, weapons, police, gluttony and a classic sandwich that everyone loves. Did Scorsese’s next movie just fall into his lap? I’m pretty sure it did. I say keep fighting the good fight, Jerome. Your brother is an asshole. Never let anyone, not even blood, marshall your intake of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. This is America. We do what we want. If we want to eat six peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in one sitting, we’re going to eat six peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in one sitting. Overkill? Maybe but it’s Jerome’s life. He’s free to eat as many sandwiches as he damn well pleases. And sure, at the end of the day Jerome’s brother was probably just concerned for his health. Not to mention the fact that six PB and J sandwiches uses up shit ton of peanut butter and jelly. Because if there’s anything I know about Jerome after reading that article it’s that there’s no way he skimps on either. But if I’m Jerome’s brother, I would focus less of my energy on stopping my brother from having a massive heart attack and focus more of that energy on figuring out why I’m 50 years old and still living with my brother.
Side Note: It’s only January 6th and this is in the running for story of the year. Des Moines coming out of the gate throwing absolute haymakers.