Does This Look Like The Face Of A Transgender Caught Masturbating In His Car Outside The High School Homecoming Dance?
OCTOBER 28–An Illinois man is due in court this week in connection with his arrest for masturbating in a car outside a high school homecoming dance, a lewd act allegedly facilitated by a bottle of Suave lotion and a “crusty” pink towel. Curtis Hutchings, 55, was arrested last Saturday night shortly after a group of female students reported that a naked guy was pleasuring himself inside a Chevrolet Monte Carlo opposite the main entrance to Belleville Township High School East. Situated in the parking lot’s front row, Hutchings’s vehicle “had an unobstructed view of the students arriving and leaving the dance,” according to a revolting police report. When officers approached Hutchings, they noticed he was dressed in a strapless pink tutu-style dress and high heels. Told of the report that he was naked and masturbating, “Hutchings denied any knowledge of the incident.” However, as cops noted, a bottle of hand cream was on the passenger side floorboard and a pink towel was on the seat next to Hutchings. The car was also filled with women’s clothing (“Hutchings stated that he is transgender”). Asked about the towel and hand cream, Hutchings reportedly explained that “the towel is to masturbate on to.” He offered no comment about the hand cream. A patrolman described Hutchings’s hands as appearing “greasy and shiny.” The officer also felt compelled to provide further details of the crime scene: “The towel was covered with off white crusty stains. A few of the stains appeared wet.
Ahh the Crusty Towel. This guy is like the Aaron Hernandez of jerking off in his car. Leaving the evidence right there in the vehicle. Any man alive can take one look at a crunchy towel and know its a cum rag. Yes, its gross when its a transgender’s crusty towel jerking off outside the local high school, but any dude who’s ever gone through puberty knows what thats about. It could have been a washcloth or a sock or some other piece of fabric. Starts off all soft and cottony and by the end of the week and a couple nights of Skinemax and scrambled porn and that thing has turned to stone. Like your dick was Medusa cast its spell on your rag. You could break it in half like dry uncooked spaghetti if you wanted.
So yea, its a little weird, but what I’m saying is a lot of us technically have something in common with this cat. I mean he was able to admit it to police. “The towel is to masturbate on to, officer!” So you can admit it to yourself. Unless you’re one of those guys that uses toilet paper or paper towels. But then you just end up with little shreds of paper sticking to the tip of your dick. Its really a lose lose unless you’re in the shower.
PS – Curtis Hutchings has a one way ticket to become the creepy old man from Family Guy:
