I have never been to Staten Island for a myriad of reasons. I have never had any business to handle there, it’s not exactly an easy voyage to make, and it seems to be the elephant graveyard of the five boroughs in that people tell you never to visit there NO MATTER WHAT, unless the actual king of a pride of lions is with you. I’m not ripping on Staten Island either because some of my favorite people are from there. Granted those people are some of the craziest fucks I know, whether it’s friends from college, Rico Bosco, or the Wu-Tang Clan.
However, this video has officially scared me from ever setting foot on that island and completing my journey of going to every borough. It’s one thing for people to get into a kerfuffle while being fueled by rage from the road. Pussies like me will honk a horn or even flip a bird if I am feeling especially angry at the current state of my life while the Hardos of the world will engage in fisticuffs over being cut off. However, to turn a highway into a scene from a Grand Theft Auto game complete with a bat in hand and cars zooming by at night is true crazyland shit, which is probably the unofficial nickname of Staten Island like Strong Island is for Long Island and Dirty Jerz is for New Jersey. Again, I love my Staten Island fam. But you and your island full of maniacs is way too crazy for a suburban softie like me.
P.S. I hope the dude with the bat gets caught because the only thing more chickenshit than bringing a weapon to a fight is getting bundled, having the fight get broken up, then smashing up the dude’s car that beat you up before fleeing into the night while driving like Jesse Pinkman in the El Camino after he escaped from the Nazis. Then again, I feel like if you are going to fight a truck driver, you are pretty much know you are going to get your ass kicked because they have Truck Driver Strength, which is a very close cousin genetically to Dad Strength. And if you drive a big rig while also having sired a kid, you are pretty much Bruce Willis’ character from Unbreakable in my mind.