Chicago Billionaire Ken Griffin Is Donating $125,000,000 (ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE MILLION DOLLARS) To The Museum Of Science & Industry

Chicago Tribune – The Museum of Science and Industry will rename itself after Chicago philanthropist Ken Griffin, who is making the largest donation in the institution’s history, the museum announced Thursday.

The sprawling science, tech and business museum on the city’s South Side will become the Kenneth C. Griffin Museum of Science and Industry after the museum’s board voted to accept Griffin’s $125 million donation and the name change Thursday morning.

This gift will allow us to continue providing the kind of innovative experiences and programs that work to achieve that mission for generations to come.”

I want to thank Ken Griffin for keeping me in check today. You see I was off to a great start today, early to the office having some delicious coffee and in a great mood to light the world on fire. For all intents and purposes you could say I was feeling Good About Myself. It’s Thursday, I’m balls deep in a cleanse that would make Tom Brady’s colon blush and riding high on the release of a new podcast.

At 32 I’m just starting to feel like I’m finding my place in this cruel dark city. Got my dog. Got my wife. Got some good health insurance and a good view. Surely life is great and that’s when I get a nice fresh reminder that I’m a nobody and Ken Griffin owns all of us. Legit this motherfucker just bought a MUSEUM for himself

Included in the $125,000,000 donation obviously includes unrestricted access to the Exhibits and my god does Ken Griffin own some fucking exhibits these days:

Expand your mind for me one time guys. That’s the jam behind Museum of Science Industry. All it takes is a pocketful of mild hallucinogens and clear avoidance of any field trip to have a blast at that place. And now Ken Griffin gets to put his name all over that big beautiful sumbitch because he’s holding enough cash to drag his dick wherever he wants. A place that started as the crown jewel of the world’s fair is now the crown jewel in a Billionaire’s asset portfolio that also recently included the most expensive piece of residential real estate in the United Kingdom.

I mean seriously bro

Get your acres out of my face. I’m over here playing a drinking game with white sox dave at 11am central standard trying to have some self-worth right now. Like I said I was off to a hot start today but knowing that I’ll never own my own German submarine exhibit and Apollo 8 command module. I’ll never get to fuck around with the first diesel-powered streamlined stainless-steel passenger train in the middle of the night. And honestly it sucks because all I’ve ever wanted to do is be better than everyone else and here we are about to pay the price of admission to the Ken G Griffin Museum of Science And Industry (And Some Other Bullshit) and objectively it’s just not fair:

In February 2014, Griffin gave $150 million to Harvard University, his alma mater, largely for need-based undergraduate financial aid. At the time, it was the largest single gift in Harvard’s history

But then I’m reminded that there’s something to be said for drinking discounted domestics in a garage. Wearing the same pair of Nikes for 12+ months across 4 seasons. Knowing your bus routes and not being a complete and utter bag of golden shit. There’s a lot to be had for being a regular guy so don’t feel bad if you’re in the same boat with me.

Hope you like pontoons.