"If It's Open, I'll Take It" - Ben Simmons, Pretty Much Guaranteeing That He'll Lead The NBA In 3-Pointers This Season
Considering the fact that the Ben Simmons 3 ball is always going to be open, that sounds to me like Ben Simmons is #confirmed going to lead the league in 3’s. And you want to know whose to blame for all of this? Those goddamn greasy Celtics fans. If you bozos didn’t think you were all so goddamn funny with your “shoot a 3, coward” jokes, maybe there’s a chance that Ben Simmons never gets to a point where he feels like he really needs to work on that part of his game. But because you clam chowder guzzling dolts made such a big deal out of it, Ben Simmons is now going to obliterate the entire NBA from the parking lot. Hope you’re all happy.
Oh and what’s that? Ben Simmons isn’t just going to drain 3’s in everybody’s face this year but he’s also going to win the Defensive Player of the Year?
If you’re the best defensive player on the team, that means that you’re a better defensive player than Joel Embiid. And if you’re a better defensive player than Joel Embiid, that means that you’re automatically the Defensive Player of the Year because JoJo is the only man to beat.
This is a team that is coming into the season pissed off. They know the expectations are sky high and they’re pissed off that they’re not even higher. They’ve heard all the outside noise, they bottled it up, they used it as fuel, and now they’re going to completely forget about it. Ben Simmons is going to be shooting 3’s. Joel Embiid dropped 20 pounds this summer and became a true physical specimen. Tobias Harris can be the certified bucket getter now that Jimmy Butler is gone. Al Horford is going to be sharing all of the secrets. And you’ve also got Brett Brown coaching like his life depends on it. From the bottom of my heart I’d like to extend a sincere thank you to all of the haters and the doubters. You’ll be remembered as the floats go parading down Broad St. in June.