Gothamist – Yesterday, two pedestrians announced that they were planning to sue Citi Bike after they both tripped over the sidewalk-gray racks. Today, a third person has announced similar plans: a 63-year-old Upper East Sider is suing the city for $5 million after she tripped over a docking station. Which is kind of like the time I tripped over a root while playing soccer at summer camp and decided to sue the tree for $5 million. According to DNAInfo, Diana Mathes claims she broke her arm when she stumbled over a bike station at East 20th and Park Avenue. She says she took a tumble because the base of the dock looked like the street. In her notice, she says the station’s raised base “was camouflaged with the roadway.” Howard Orlick, a 52-year-old legally blind man, is suing Citi Bike for $500 to cover the cost of his medical bills from his trip. Lachonne Shelton, 50, is suing for $1 million after she injured her “knees, left elbow, back and neck” after tripping. Presumably all three people injured by the docks could be assuaged by a tiny harmonica solo under the right conditions.
Everyone knows my stance on snaking your way through life. Snake it til you make it. My dream in life is to get hit by a reckless taxi driver and sue NYC for a zillion dollars and be set for life. Walk through the lobby of a fancy ass office building and slip on a puddle and sue for a bagillion dollars. But I have rules to me dreams of exploiting the litigious system. Its gotta happen naturally. Its gotta be a real accident. You gotta be an actual victim. And you gotta have some real damages.
If your dumb ass just falls over a fucking bike rack you shouldn’t get a fucking dime. You’re just an old fucking dumb ass. Head on a swivel, old folks. Contrary to popular belief you can’t just walk wherever the fuck you want expecting not to run into obstacles. Sometimes theres trees in the way. Sometimes there’s a fire hydrant. A pole. A sign. You can’t just walk around without expecting to eventually have to change your course. Sometimes things like a fucking bike rack are gonna get in the way and you, being the mobile creature that you are, are going to need to avoid the inanimate object. Sorry you broke you’re hip but youre just old and dumb.
PS – The blind guy suing for 500 bucks is kinda legit. Just wants his medical bills paid and he’s also BLIND. The old assholes tripping on bike racks asking for a million bucks can kick rocks.