The NFL Halftime Show News is Corporate Problem Solving 101

Far be it for me to correct Schefty that Jennifer Lopez is from New York City and Shakira is Columbian and are no more from Miami than I am. Nor will I take issue with Coley Mick saying the NFL fucked up by not booking Pitbull. My only point here is to point out the strong moral lesson to be gleaned from this decision.

When you are a heartless, multitrillion dollar enterprise with a public relations problem on your hand, the quickest and surest solution is to throw a ton of money as someone who claims to represent the aggrieved party. Sure, they’ll be playing you for a sucker. But it’s better to be a slightly less filthy rich sucker than have to answer questions about why you’re oppressing people every time you try to throw a party.

So what if Roc Nation basically went into Roger Goodell’s office like a local Mafia capo saying, “This is a really nice halftime show you’ve been running here. It’d be a shame if anything were to happen to it. Like having to book Maroon 5 every year.” So Ginger Satan paid him the protection money. Which means instead of this:

We’ll get this:

Prefer Pitbull all you want and I won’t argue. It’s a matter of personal tastes. I’m sure if Goodell got to choose his favorite music it’d be all jingles from major sponsors because he has no soul. The only thing that matters to him and the league he mismanages on an hourly basis is that now he can point to his ethnically diverse extravaganza and thank the guy guy who completely bamboozled him his corporate partner for providing the entertainment in a way that shuts up Colin Kaepernick socially conscious way. I hope you’re paying attention, Corporate America. This is how you get it done.