"Water Slide Tester" Would Be One Of The Worst Jobs In The World

DM — A lucky university student today said his dreams had ‘come true’ after he landed a job as an international water slide tester. Seb Smith, 22, from Cheddar, Somerset, beat off competition from 2,000 applicants to fill the £20,000-a-year role with holiday company First Choice. He will now spend the whole summer travelling to exotic locations across the globe where he will ride and rate the company’s most exhilarating chutes. The design technology student will visit sun-soaked holiday locations like Majorca, Turkey, Egypt and even Jamaica, staying at the firm’s 20 Splash World resorts over a six-month period. Mr Smith, who studies at the University of Leeds, today described his summer job as a ‘dream come true’.

I wasn’t going to comment on this because I think it’s a stupid story but now we got 610 blogging it and friends of mine are talking about how jealous they are of this kid.

What the hell is wrong with everyone? Who would ever want to work at a water park? Who even goes to water parks? I don’t care if it’s in an exotic location or not, they’re gross. They’re WalMarts except everything is moist and everyone is wearing less clothes. Going to a water park is undoubtedly the most white trash thing you can do, worse than marrying in your gene pool or knowing where “down the holler” is. Everything about it is just genuinely disgusting. You know how gross it is when you touch seaweed at the beach? Try touching a fuckin’ bandaid in the wave pool. Water pars are like going on a cruise but instead of at least getting to hang out on an island for a few hours you’re like, “Thanks but no thanks, I’m good here at Bush Gardens. In Virginia.”

Have a great summer bro, here Turkey is wonderful this time of year.