It's Time To Light Some Panties On Fire

It’s do or die, now or never, time to grow some balls and stop being such insufferable pussies

Honestly I probably shouldn’t even be writing this blog. Instead I should be telling the world that the 2019 Cubs are dead. That they never should have gone to spring training in the first place and the whole thing is just one big flaming pile of shit. That the front office is a bunch of smug bastards so happy with themselves they forgot how to be better than Milwaukee over the last 400 games. I know I know: small sample size CARL.

I could bitch about Joe Maddon opening a fucking restaurant on the grounds of Wrigley Field the same year he’s up for renewal following the year we blew a late September lead. And I could bitch about the free agents, starting pitching regression, bullpen mismanagement across the entire organization, lack of farm system and zero fucking leadoff hitter for literally 3 years.

I could bitch about all that and not one asshole working for the Cubs could give me a hard time. You’d have to sit here and take it because it’s true. YOU’RE LETTING US DOWN.

But I don’t want to do any of that because that’s not my style. That’s not the blog I want people to read today. Instead, I want to remind everyone that we have a goddamn baseball game to play (and win) and for the ever-fucking-life-for-me we will not lose it.

I don’t care that Alec Mills is pitching and he sucks.

We got Llabos and Rizzo and Bryant and all the cortisone your little heart could desire. We got Kyle Schwarber on pace to 40 jacks looking like a goddamn snack in the 4 hole. And don’t even get me started on Nico and Willson right now. Those motherfuckers are here to murder Michael Wacha and that’s where my head’s at right now.

We can sort through all the finger pointing later.

For now, let’s never forget Michael Wacha is an opposite split pitcher who notoriously sucks first time through a batting order. He gets better as the game goes which means in simpler terms you’ll know after 2 innings if the Cubs are going to put up a crooked number. Otherwise they’ll be fucked much like the last three games BUT I’M NOT HERE TO BITCH ABOUT THAT.

I’m here to be positive and bring the noise. You’ll see me on Clark street. Greet me with a Miller Lite please I’ll need about 57 to get thru this ball game.