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NASA Will Pay Me $18,000 To Lay In A Bed 24 Hours A Day

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Huff Po – If you have the stamina to lie in bed for 70 days straight, NASA will pay you $18,000 — no joke. It’s actually called the “Bed Rest Studies — The Exercise Study (CFT 70).” They say the study is “designed to minimize loss of muscle, bone and cardiovascular function through high intensity interval-type aerobic exercises on alternating days, with continuous aerobic exercise daily.” Here’s the full description. They write: This study will show how much your body, tilted down slightly with head down and feet up, for 70 days, 24-hours a day, without getting out of bed, except for limited times for specific tests, is like an astronaut’s body during the weightlessness of space flight. Watching you will help scientists learn how an astronaut’s body will change in weightlessness during space flight in the future. During your off time you get to play on your phone, read books, skype, take online classes, or anything else you want… as long as you don’t stand up. I’m pretty sure you would have to have a catheter and a solid waste collection bag, and NASA has created a special shower gurney for washing. After the testing phase you will have another few weeks of recovery days in which the scientists study how your body adapts to being out of bed. They pay $1,200 a week for the duration of the test — usually 15 weeks.  Roni Cromwell, senior scientist of the study, explained to Forbes: “We also ask them [test subjects] to do tasks that astronauts would do when they land on a planetary surface. Simulate getting out of a vehicle. Moving heavy objects at a short distance. This gives us an idea as to their functional capabilities.” Previous volunteer, and now NASA contractor, Heather Archuletta, told Forbes: “The day I got up, after being in bed for 54 days [the study was cut short by Hurricane Ike], my feet hurt like crazy walking for the first time! But, I reminded myself, this is what astronauts go through, too.”

Has anybody ever been a better fit for a job than me with this NASA bed job? Lay in bed and we’ll give you $18,000. Uh, sold! I do that shit for free right now. You probably could just come over to my place right now and study me because I’ve been in bed or laying on a couch no joke at least 18 hours a day. I wish I’m exaggerating but these days I’m really not. I blog in bed until like noon, shower, and then blog laying on my couch or the recliner. Then I watch TV all night in the same position and I’m obviously in bed while I sleep. It honestly could be upwards of like 23 and a half hours a day. Maybe a quick trip outside to pick up some food or wine or some shit but thats really it for the most part. So whatever affects you’re looking for, you can probably already study in me.

We’re gonna have to talk about this catheter and solid waste bag though. You wanna do that and you’ll have to talk to my agent (read: me) about my rate. I’m gonna need like 50K if we’re gonna be sticking tubes in my dick. But as far as being comfortable with laying down all day, you have found your man. Give me a laptop to blog, I’ll do some astronaut-y things and you pay me anywhere between 30 and 50K. Done.