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I'm So Fucking Horny For Nico Hoerner Right Now

Listen I don’t want to overreact but at the same time I wrote a blog this morning titled Why I Wear A Helmet 101: The Cubs Are Asking 22-Year Old Nico Hoerner To Save The Season. And guess what motherfuckers. Nico Hoerner is out here saving the Cubs season and if you think I’m overselling his debut I have news for you.

Nico Hoerner gets a beef

He (basically) won the game for the Cubs after Castellabos homered and Hendricks carved his way through the Padres. But you and I both know that the real hero of the game is 22-year old heartthrob virgin Nico Hoerner. The last Cub shortstop to triple in his MLB debut?

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So put that in your pipe in smoke it.

1 down, 19 to go and we don’t need Nico to do it on his own. Asking him to save the team and everyone else’s job in the process is already a lot. Fortunately Castellabos is also on the squad and my god does that mother fucker show up to play every day. Really and sincerely I’ve never seen anything like it on a baseball field day in and day out. I know the Ricketts family is strapped for cash but would be nice to open up the pocketbook for Old Saint Nick come November.

Guy fucks.