Over/under on Antonio Cromartie’s total interceptions: 3 ½ – I’ll take the under. Last year was a career year for Cro and he tallied 3. He’s established himself as dangerous and he has a rookie starting opposite him, so I think teams will stay away. Plus the majority of every game this season will be the opposition running the ball to wind down the clock in a blowout win, so not many opportunities. UNDER.
Over/under on Dee Milliner’s total interceptions: 2 ½ – Under. He’ll get tested for everything I just said about Cro, but he’s a rookie being thrown to the fire with a coaching staff that is all over the map. If Kyle Wilson is any indication of defensive back development, he has no shot. There’s also a chance he’s hurt by week 3. I hope I’m wrong, but UNDER.
Over/under number of starting quarterbacks this season: 2.5 – Over. I think we’ll see Sanchez, Geno and Simms at some point. If you have 2 quarterbacks, you have no quarterbacks. And if you have 3, your team should be contracted.
Over/under on Muhammed Wilkerson’s total sacks: 5. Hammering the over. The lone bright spot on this Jets team. I think this year is his big coming out party.
Over/under on number of quarterback’s heads up lineman’s assholes: 0.5 – Under. Theres a chance we see Sanchez, Geno, Simms and who knows, maybe even McElroy, and a couple other assholes out of some preposterous wildcat formation. Thats 4+ potential scrubs that could, in fact, shove their head up someones ass. If Brandon Moore was around still, I’d take the over. But he’s gone and Sanchez is likely on the way out, Buttfumble 2.0 highly unlikely. If we do see one, I’ll never watch the Jets ever again.
Over/under number of plays Santonio Holmes gets injured on and hands the ball to the opposing team for 6: 1.5 – Over. Unless of course he just continues to say he’s injured even though hes really not and ends up only playing like 8 games.
Geno Smith Offensive Rookie of the Year – 12/1 – Just stop it. Don’t waste my time.
Mark Sanchez MVP – 200/1 – This was a real line. Not one of the ones I made up. Mark Sanchez for MV fucking P. He’s dead last at 200/1. Second to last is 66/1. In all seriousness, this line should be like 2,000,000/1. Infinity/1. Gimme a break.
Will Mark Sanchez be a member of the Jets on Week 1 2014? Yes +300, No -500. No fucking shot.
Will Rex Ryan be fired or resign before Week 17 2013? Yes -200, No +150. Nope. Offseason.
Over/under on New York Jets’ total wins: 6 ½ (+160 o/-200 u). Under. 4-12
Playoffs? Yes +700, No -1400. Literally no chance in hell.
Over/under number of times you hear the name “Clowney” throughout all 16 broadcasts: 23,000.5 – Over. #CrashForClowney