TCPalm - A man accused of dousing a woman with a bucket of urine and feces before trying to throw another pail of solid and liquid waste on a police officer was arrested, according to a recently released report. The Fort Pierce flap featuring flung feces unfolded around 3 a.m. Aug. 12 in the 1400 block of North 16th Street. A 35-year-old woman told police she went outside to look for her beau and encountered Monax Alsaint, 68, leaning on a pick-up truck. She said Alsaint picked up an empty beer bottle and hit her in the back. She said he threw a second bottle but missed. She called 911, and arrived with police at Alsaint’s listed apartment. “Monax opened the door … and leaned over to grab a bucket with yellow fluid in it. The fluid was later determined to be urine,” a report states. “Monax picked up the bucket with both hands and threw the urine mix with feces at (the woman) covering her upper body.” Alsaint went to hoist another bucket of feces and urine and throw it at the officer, who jumped out of the way and restrained Alsaint. The report didn’t state why Alsaint apparently kept a stash of urine and poop in his apartment. It also didn’t state whether the waste was animal or human.
Snitches get stitches, lady! Or in this case a bucket of marinating human excrement! You wanna call the police? Involve the authorities over a good old fashioned bottle fight in the parking lot? Well looks like Monax Alsaint has a special bucket at the ready for situations like this. The report speculates why a person would keep a stash of pee and poop in a bucket next to their door. I’d say when we’re talking about a 68 year old man named Monax who hits random women with beer bottles, you should always prepare for the worst.
Speaking of preparing for the worst – I’d say this officially redefines “the worst.” Ordinarily I’d say “grave danger” or “potential death” is the worst thing you brace yourself for. Like if you’re at the doorstep of a man who just assaulted me, ordinarily I’d be bracing for the chance that he opens up that door with a gun and shoots me point blank. Now I know the readjust my worst fears and prepare myself for a potential tidal wave of poop and piss crashing down upon me. I didn’t know that was something I had to be fearful of, but now I know. Piss bucket warfare is a very real thing.