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Ray Lewis and Sean Spicer Headline the New Season of DWTS Because We are Living in BizarroWorld

Source“Bachelorette” Hannah Brown, “Queer Eye” star Karamo Brown and former NBA star Lamar Odom are among the celebrity contestants who will face off on the new season of “Dancing With the Stars”!

The full celebrity cast was revealed exclusively on “Good Morning America” Wednesday.

More stars putting on their dancing shoes this season include actor James Van Der Beek, supermodel Christie Brinkley, country superstar Lauren Alaina, former Fifth Harmony member Ally Brooke, former NFL star Ray Lewis, actress Kate Flannery, comedian Kel Mitchell, The Supremes music legend Mary Wilson, and former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer.

Color me impressed, “Dancing with the Stars.” As lineups go, this is one of their strongest in a long time. I mean, the last 10 seasons or so it could’ve been called “Dancing with Someone Who May or May Not Have a Wikipedia Page.” But this will be worth tuning in for. Dawson. The ageless love interest of both Clark Griswold and Jerry Gergich. Meredith from Dunder-Mifflin. I’d rather watch Hannah B. dance than listen to her talk about romantic feelings with a stranger while overlooking a cliff in the Mediterranean with glass of Pinot Grigio in her hand.

But let’s not kid ourselves. The ones who’ll be eyeballs on the screen will be these two gentlemen:

Ray-Lewis-3

Spicer

A man who plead guilty to Obstruction of Justice in a double homicide investigation and the former Press Secretary to the most powerful office in human history. (And my close, personal friend.) The Alpha and Omega of celebrity, with everyone else existing between those two extremes. And they will be doing the Cha-Cha and the Foxtrot with super attractive women on TV to win a Mirror Ball Trophy. I’m going to guess no one predicted that was where mass entertainment was headed back when Philo T. Farnsworth first built a functional, all-electronic image pickup device that could fit into a box in your living room. But here we find ourselves, living that reality.

You never know how a given season of DWTS will play out. Rarely do they have a mortal lock to win it all like Nicole Scherzinger was that one year. As Salt ‘n Pepa once put it, dancing ain’t for everybody, only the sexy people. All we do know for sure is that Ray Lewis’ pep talks during the rehearsal segments are going to be an electric factory of pure nonsense.

I just pray – with all my might, I pray – that at least once the producers have him dance in a white suit like the one he’s been hiding from the cops all these years. Make it happen, Tom Bergeron.