KFC Editor's Note: As far as I'm concerned, Heated76 was the funniest commenter in Barstool history. His “battering ram right hand” was probably the best and only shtick thats ever been genuinely funny. Another commenter, Want 2 Bone U, had coicidentally gone through and found some of his best work this week. Well it just so happens Torn Open ruined everyone's Friday afternoon with his garbage, and we're all looking for some commenter humor. Was it coincidence? Was it fate? Everything happens for a reason…
What’s up Kevin- Want 2 Bone U here,
Mailtime hit and decided to re-watch the Playa Hater’s Ball to pass some time, when I began dreaming about the glory days of Barstool’s comment section (thanks Numero Two) before the days of “= does anal” and “FIRE NEIL/MO!” I travelled back in time to re-live the rants of Heated76, and never laughed harder in my life than I did listening to the sequences of letters typed by that poor keyboard. Heated76’s rhetoric makes imtough look like Helen Keller before she met Anne “The Miracle Worker” Sullivan.
Below is a list of some of the funniest Heated76 comments I was able to find. I literally laughed out loud until I almost shit myself in a professional office setting, you betta believe it (none of these need any commentary, as they all speak for themselves):
Heated76 says at June 22, 2011 at 12:39 pm
Sorry I was unavailable this morning, had some major business deals to lock down. I know u fucking blowhards missed me, half of u fucking chumps probably yell my name while u minute man ur obese plagued girlfriends, u fucking turbos.
Also, not a single one of u fucking sidewinders showed up to face me at Starbucks yesterday, I think manzosucks and his twink boyfriend showed up, but as soon as they saw me kept on walking. I could tell it was manzosucks cuz him and his twink were were dressed like 2 skinny frogs in pastel shorts that wouldnt fit around my right calf. Also, manzosucks had a large glob of jizz hanging off his chin and scurried away like a fucking pigeon.
You betta believe it
Heated76 says at January 17, 2011 at 12:31 pm
that geek looks like he is frm Long Island or Westchester or some blantantly homosexual part of the country like that. I would like to do to this fruit what I do to all New York creampuffs. I’d hit him with an uppercut gut punch, followed by ripping his shirt untucked and over his head, and then follow that up with a knockout right hook. Then Id take his girl and stuff her like a Thanksgiving Turkey.
You betta believe it
if anyeone has a problem with nething ive said or doesnt believe me I will be at the Hype Lounge this wknd. If any of u NY Launchpads feel like swallowing ur teeth, just come in my general vicinity.
iluvwaltah says at October 6, 2009 at 11:08 am
talk about overkill heated76…3 completely useless comments in less than an hour…get a life for the sake of everyone reading this comment board
Heated76 says at October 6, 2009 at 11:17 am
Iluvwaltah, your mother said my semen tastes like stawberrys you degenerate illiterate. I will pound your face into raw hamburger with a flurry of left and right hooks that will leave you convusling on the ground praying to the heavens to rewind the clock to 11:09 am so you can re-think your thoughs and never cross me again
Heated76 says at March 30, 2010 at 3:07 pm
hey lemme tell ya if the Situation was ever within arms reach of me I would put him in a chokehold and bash his face in with my battering ram hammer fist. You betta believe it u fuckwads….him and Snooki and all those Jersey Shore Launchpads do a fantastic job of representing the cesspool that is New York and Jersey. You fucking people all look greasy, and oiley, and just plain fucking disgusting.
Heated76 says at March 30, 2010 at 3:08 pm
if any of u New York launchpads disagree with anything ive said you let me know so i can verbally assault u
Woodchuck says at March 30, 2010 at 3:23 pm
How many of Heated’s kids does it take to eat a ‘possum?
Three. One to eat the ‘possum and two to watch for cars.
Heated76 says at March 30, 2010 at 3:25 pm
What does Heated use as a punching bag for his dick?
Mrs. Woodchucks Mouth
Heated76 says at August 18, 2010 at 11:19 am
Larry T, I’ll put ur black ass into the twilight zone with a right hook to ur temple u fucking immigrant.
Heated76 says at October 20, 2009 at 1:21 pm
SixTen stop talking about fighting like uve ever been in one u fucking fruit salad.
I will hit you with a flurry of right and left crosses that will have you swallowing all your teeth and praying to Allah u fucking terrorist monkey.
You betta believe it
Heated76 says: May 5 @ 6:24am at 6:24 AM
Listen up u fucking yardape, if I ever see u talking about me on ur second rate blog I will turn ur world upside down princess. ill put my battering RAM right hand into that fat fucking mouth of urs. ur ugly fish lips will be so swollen the next time u blow Portnoy he might buy u dinner afterwards u poor Fuck. You betta believe it. Fuck wit me.
Heated76 says at June 21 at 3:38 pm
If neone has a problem with nething ive said today u will be able to find me at the Starbucks on Newbury Street this afternoon.
Lets see how many of u internet blowhards got the stones when it comes time to throw down on the granitetop…FUCK WIT ME
Finally, my personal favorite:
Heated76 says at June 24 at 2:47 pm
II’ll be at the museum of science today at noon. show up and ill bury my battering RAM right hand thru ur fat forehead.
u betta believe it.
And there you have it- the very best of Heated76. Be sure to keep a mental note of some of the more colorful insults used (e.g: turbo, launchpad, sidewinder) for future Barstool comment section altercations. thnk u
P.S: Heated76 says at January 17, 2011 at 10:50 am
KFC’s mother wears combat boots