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Rex Ryan Landed His Best Joke Ever and ESPN Should Just End 'Get Up' With It

Shut it down, ESPN. This is how you end the existence of the Marianas Trench of ratings that is “Get Up.” You go out on this, the only high note in the show’s history.

To the surprise of no one, the only memorable moment in “Get Up”‘s ratings-cratered run wasn’t delivered by Mike Greenberg. It didn’t come from Sam Ponder. And it wasn’t thanks to the billion dollar studio they build on the waterfront that they had to fire hundreds of loyal employees to build. It came courtesy of that beloved natural resource that’s been making life worth living in these United States for almost 10 years now, Rex Ryan’s foot fetish.

Damn, if Ryan’s smoke rocket MILF wife and his appreciation for her feet isn’t the gift that keeps on giving. By way of full disclosure, a lady’s feet don’t crack my Top 50 Female Body Parts rankings, but to each his own. There’s nothing in the Bible that says a man can’t love his spouse’s lower extremities. Nor is there anything in the scripture about sharing that love on the internet for all to enjoy:

If fact, there was always something sweet and romantic about. Maybe not so much the part where they advertised on swinger’s sites with a profile that sounded very much like the Ryan’s looking for strangers who share his predilection for feet to swap partners. That’s more of a moral gray area.

But we are not here to judge. I’m just here to appreciate the fact that all these years later, Shrex can drop the perfect punchline about it. And give a show no one I know has ever watched, the one viral moment it has so sorely needed. If they’d had Sexy Rexy landing foot fetish jokes a year ago, “Get Up” might not be the money-bleeding disaster it is.

But it’s too late for that. Now is the perfect time to take this show off Suicide Watch, hand it a good, durable bed sheet, turn off the CCTV and go disappear for three hours or so. Because the first rule of comedy is, “Always go out on a high note.”