Dr. Oz Springs Into Action After Taxi Jumps The Curb And Hits Pedestrians

NYDN - There was horror in midtown Manhattan on Tuesday when a runaway taxi cab jumped a curb and plowed into a pack of pedestrians, pinning a British tourist whose left foot was severed. Within seconds a union plumber named David Justino teamed up with celebrity doctor Mehmet Oz, better known as Dr. Oz, to rescue the young woman. “Her left leg was severed off, the other was mangled,” said Justino, who used his belt as a tourniquet to stop the woman from bleeding to death.  Justino called the victim, who police said is 23 and visiting from Britain, is a “strong girl, a brave girl.” “She was conscious the whole time, the poor thing,” he said. “I wished she would have passed out.” Oz said “Dave the Plumber” may have her life.  “I helped put on the tourniquet,” said Oz, whose T-shirt and jeans were covered with blood. “Luckily, Dave had a belt.” Oz said he also quickly examined the cabbie, whose cab came to rest on the low wall by a fountain. “He looked dazed,” he said. 

Yo if I get run over by a cab and lose my goddam foot, the last dude I want to see working on me is Doctor fucking Oz. I don’t care if he’s a real doctor. Don’t care what school he went to. That dude is just a TV star these days. When you’re the whale with the obstructed blowhole, you want a real marine biologist to come to the rescue. Not George Costanza. When you’re an NYC tourist and your foot has been severed, I’ll take the real paramedics. Not Oprah’s fake doctor bitch. Like hey Mehmet if I need 5 tips to my skin glowing, I’ll come to you. If some cab driver from the Bronx has run me down Grand Theft Auto style, just call for help until the real doctors get here.

(Yes I realize George successful pulled the golf ball from the blow hole but you understand the point)