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Science Says Cube Monkeys Experience "Desk Rage" At Least Twice A Day

Telegraph UKThe average worker suffers “desk rage” twice a day – with colleagues taking credit for work, computers crashing and rude clients or customers the most likely causes, it has emerged. Researchers found 51 per cent of Britons suffer rage whilst at work, with bust-ups over who makes the tea and not being able to find time to grab a lunchbreak also upsetting many. Other work based niggles include people talking when you are trying to concentrate, being overlooked for a pay rise in favour of someone else, and the printer going into meltdown. Interestingly, 42 per cent of workers are most het up and impatient on a Monday – finding themselves totally fed up by noon. Gavin Herbert, from Old Jamaica Extra Fiery Ginger Beer, commissioned the survey to and said: “British adults are renowned for their work hard, play hard attitude, which means that when they are in the office, they are used to coping with heavy workloads and lots of pressure. “When working in this type of highly stressed environment, smaller niggles can get heightened and appear to be a big deal.”

First of all, what fucking language are they speaking in England these days? “Bust-ups?” “Niggles?” “Het up?” What the fuck are these made up words? Niggles sounds like some racist laugh or something. You wanna talk about going into a fit of rage? Keep saying shit like bust- and niggles, England.

Anyway, what is this twice per day bullshit? The entire existence of a Cubicle Monkey is that of desk rage. Just one perpetual fit of depression and rage brought about by dickhead bosses and asshole coworkers. Just a desolate and agitated life spurring from shitty technology and unfulfilling work. Sure, maybe twice a day you truly, genuinely lose it. Throw a Cubicle Tantrum when you get the Blue Screen of Death and lose all the work you had done on Excel. Have a Monkey Meltdown when you get one of the classic one liner Office Jabs or the “I must have missed the memo” from the office dickhead. Those are the moments you genuinely separate from reality and the boundaries of society and think about shooting the place up. But being angry at the guy who makes more money than you or the fat ethnic chicks who stink up the pantry or your boss shitting all over you isn’t something that happens twice a day. Thats something that happens almost 24 hours a day when you’re stuck in the Cubes.

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