Study Says Men Are Pretty Much Useless

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Daily Mail - Brace yourselves, chaps. You may have long suspected that your better half had a somewhat jaundiced view of your general usefulness but now the truth is here. It’s worse than that! From buying clothes, to remembering birthdays and dancing, women reckon men aren’t good for much at all. Indeed, there are a few areas of modern life where men do excel, and they’re hardly that surprising… let alone sought after skills.  According to a survey of 1,000 adults, 60 per cent of women said men were good at getting rid of spiders. Slightly less, 56 per cent, rated men’s barbecue skills and 73 per cent said men can change a tyre. Just over half rated men’s ability to drink alcohol. Only 10 per cent of women thought men could iron a shirt and just four per cent thought they could dance.  According to the research, men are also pretty useless at choosing home fixtures and furnishings and cooking anything complicated. Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner and to get drunk at family functions, the survey found. Men are also pretty useless at buying gifts in general, however, they can still do DIY, though not always successfully as almost half (46 per cent) admit they have hurt themselves while doing so. Although it can happen to anyone, missing a flight, forgetting to pick the kids up from school and phoning in sick to work seems to happen to men more than women, the survey found. However, there is only a slim chance that men will improve in the gender race – three in four (76 per cent) say they are ‘good enough at the skills they care about.’

Good. You think I wanna be considered “useful?” For sure not. You know what happens to useful people? They get fucking used. I have set the bar sufficiently low enough that basically nobody in my life would ever dream of relying upon me to help them or perform for them. And as I result I lead a life of freedom. My friends don’t ask me to help them move. My girlfriend doesn’t ask me to fix anything in the apartment. My family doesn’t expect anything from me. I do what I want to do at all times because I suck at all the things I don’t wanna do. You follow me? Keep expectations to a minimum and you’ll never disappoint anybody and you’ll never find anyone asking you to do shit you don’t like. I mean look at this list of shit dude’s suck at:


1.Buying clothes for partner 52 per cent
2. Remembering anniversary 41 per cent
3. Dancing 33 per cent
4. Ironing 31 per cent
5. Cooking 30 per cent
6. Domestic chores 30 per cent
7. Buying gifts 28 per cent
8. Multi-tasking 22 per cent
9. Keeping up with fashion 22 per cent
10. Picking furniture 21 per cent

Name one thing on that list you’d like to be good at. If you excel at buying your girlfriend clothes, guess what you spend the rest of your life doing? Fuckin shopping. If you’re good at ironing, cooking, dancing, and fucking picking out furniture, your girl will make you do that shit all the time.

I’ll pay the Mexican to do the handywork around the house. I’ll pay the Asians at the wash and fold to do the laundry. Which leaves me to do what I do best – and thats be a below average, unreliable, untalented white guy. Thats who I am. Partly because of God given mediocrity, partly by design.