Breaking News! The Apex Porn Theater Has Been Saved!
City Paper - A couple weeks ago, we told you about plans to auction off Fells Point’s Apex, Baltimore’s last adult movie theater. Well, as the BBJ reports, the auction happened and the place was sold to investor Sam Singh for $295,000. Surprisingly, according to the BBJ, Singh “indicated he is willing to allow it to remain as Baltimore’s last adult movie theater.” The details of the auction are kinda hilarious: Because of rain, the auction took place just under the movie theater’s screen, and bidders stood among the ripped and broken seats that appeared to be original to the 6,750-square-foot building. The dimly lit theater was rank with the odor of the deteriorating seats and the room retained only a few vestiges of what was once one of several movie palaces that were in the area. Yah, that was the smell of “deteriorating seats,” sure BBJ. Anyone who has seen our heart-stopping gallery of pictures from inside the Apex (NSFW – or for holding down your lunch), can imagine what else contributed that smell. The BBJ also reports that “the gross annual income for the property was $32,619?.
Crabcakes and porn theaters, that’s what Maryland does! Last week, we showed you the Apex Theater, the last surviving porn theater in Baltimore. It was being auctioned off, leaving perverts and child molesters of Baltimore with nowhere to crank on a Wednesday afternoon. But fear not, you psychos! The porn theater was bought for $295,000 to a guy who has absolutely no plan to change it. What a relief! Its like when they were trying to save the Clock Tower in Back to the Future but instead of time traveling Deloreans, it’s 70 year old former gym teachers cumming on the back of chairs. To think we were actually in danger of losing the Apex made my dick so soft and sad. But knowing old faithful will still be there, with rows of seats to choose from, brings a smile to my dick’s face.
PS: This fuckin place brought in 32k in income last year. Jesus Christ. I doubt I could make 32k selling crack in Baltimore in a year. It might be time to get into the porn theater game.