Black Friday Weekend - 20% OffShop Now

NYC Clients Pay $180 For Bird Shit Facials

Screen Shot 2013-08-02 at 10.55.00 AM

NEW YORK (AP) Bird poop for beauty? That’s what goes into facials at a luxury spa where the traditional Japanese treatment using imported Asian nightingale excrement mixed with rice bran goes for $180 a pop. About 100 women and men go into the Shizuka New York skin care salon, just off Manhattan’s Fifth Avenue, each month to get the treatment, which is promoted as a way to keep the face soft and smooth using an enzyme in the poop to gently exfoliate the skin. Spa owner Shizuka Bernstein, a Tokyo native married to an American, has been offering what she calls the Geisha Facial for about five years. ‘‘I try to bring Japanese beauty secrets to the United States,’’ says Bernstein, who learned the treatment from her mother. The Geisha Facial poop treatment, while relatively rare in the United States, is no secret in Japan, where it was first used in the 1600s by actors and geishas. ‘‘That’s why Japanese grandmothers have beautiful complexions,’’ says Duke Klauck, owner of the Ten Thousand Waves health spa in Santa Fe, N.M., which offers a Nightingale Facial for $129. A common misconception is that any old bird poop, even from pigeons, is used. Bernstein says only droppings from birds of the nightingale species are used because they live on seeds, producing the natural enzyme that is the active ingredient.

I don’t care if Japanese broads live to 150 with the face of a 15 year old, if you smear bird shit all over your face you need to absolutely kill yourself. I mean what the fuck kind of trade off is that? Yea your skin is soft and smooth but its been covered in shit. I’d rather walk around with wrinkles not being known as “The chick who covers her own face in bird shit.” Its not really worth it to have soft skin if it takes smearing bird poop all up around your nose and lips and eyes.

But don’t worry! its a special bird that only eats certain seeds! So its ok! That would be like if there was human shit facials and your excuse was “don’t worry, its shit from a vegetarian!” I mean yes, admittedly if I was getting a human shit facial, I certainly wouldn’t want it to be my poop. Bud Lights and buffalo wings probably doesn’t make for the best facial poop. But its not like I’d be pumped about some vegan shit simply because they only eat grass. You’re still smearing fucking poop all over your face piece. Christ almighty.

PS – Pretty solid rule of thumb to not follow any of the traditions of the Japanese. I feel like its gonna either involve poop or semen or suicide or something weird. Nothing Japanese is normal.