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The Guy Behind LaserGate Pleads Guilty But Gets a Slap on the Wrist

SourceThe Case Of The Laser Pointer during the AFC Championship game at Arrowhead Stadium is now closed.

According to a report from TMZ, Dwyan Morgan of Lee’s Summit appeared in court Wednesday, pleaded guilty and was fined $500. TMZ said Morgan paid the fine.

In early April, Morgan, 64, was charged with disturbing the peace for shining a green laser pointer at New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady during the conference championship game against the Kansas City Chiefs on January 20.

The charge carried a maximum penalty of a year in jail and a fine of $1,000.

500 bucks. Five. Hundred. Bucks. That’s the price you pay for shining a concentrated beam of light amplified by stimulated emission radiation into the dreamy eyes of the world’s most accomplished metahuman while he’s trying to make history. $500. Basically a car payment. The price of a 40-inch LED TV. A Barstool Gold subscription for yourself and nine of your closest loved ones.

I would’ve thought jail time was in order for this laser-pointing monster. Not the death penalty, necessarily. But hard time for sure. Not one of those Club Fed prisons like where they sent Jordan Belfort to go work on his tennis game. But I think one of those roach motels in foreign hell holes where they send Americans who get caught keistering a brick of Black Tar heroin at the Customs gate on “Locked Up Abroad” would have been entirely appropriate. But I guess I put too much faith in the Missouri criminal justice system.

Regardless, this sets a terrible precedent. By not coming down hard with the terrible swift sword of Justice down upon this elderly drunken asshole, they’re basically encouraging more of these monkeyshines. In an 80,000 stadium, your odds of getting caught are astronomically slim. People will pull insane shit just to see their team win. Imagine what they’ll do if they’ve got real money on the game? Hell, there are people who’d blind a guy just for Fantasy points. This was the chance to send a message that we as a society will not tolerate such behavior. That messing with the handsome, heavenly, sky blue eyes of our national treasure is one of the worst acts you can commit and the punishment will fit the crime.  But nope.

However, this is not enough to make me lose faith. I still believe in God’s justice, and that in the end everyone reaps what they sow. In this life or the next. And I’ll take comfort in knowing that in this life, Dwyan Morgan will have to live with his skill position players getting suspended for domestic violence, Andy Reid’s clock management and the memory of Dee Ford lining up in the neutral zone in that AFC championship game. That’s worse than any suffering he’d get in prison.