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I'm So Happy For The Chicago Cubs Success Tonight Because I'm Not A Mean And Threatening Person

The Cubs can hate my guts til the world ends and I wont give a fuck. Plain and simple. You can take my fandom from my cold dead hands and even then I don’t love your chances. My grip strength tests in the 99th percentile. I’m not joking. I’d fucking DOMINATE this Mai Tai guy

Here’s another non joke.

And another:

The Cup Snake stakes were raised exponentially tonight. People were messaging us left and right about getting kicked out and pushed around. The whole thing just sucks top to bottom and if you want to blame this on me go ahead. You’re a moron for thinking I can exercise this much influence much less any influence over the Wrigley Field Bleachers.

Chicago Intern DC was on the scene in a handmade Ligmaballsack shirt that will probably find it’s way into our store tomorrow:

Nothing but harmless fun with a bunch of diehard paying customers that showed up to see Kyle Schwarber hit a game winning bomb.

NO ONE and I mean


showed up to get bossed around like it’s 2nd grade and we just shit our pants.

If you can afford to be inside Wrigley, you’ve made it far enough in life to manage your own safety. Idk how else to explain it. $10.75 for a cold one is no joke and neither are the accompanying triple digit resale prices to sit 400 feet away from the action. Like