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Dude Suing Apple Because His Macbook Led To Porn Addiction Which Cost Him His Wife And Kids

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IB TimesChris Sevier, a 36-year-old man from Tennessee, got so addicted to porn videos that his wife took his children and left him. Now he has sued Apple (NASDAQ:AAPL), saying the Cupertino, Calif.-based company failed to install any filter in its devices to prevent his affliction. In a 50-page complaint, Sevier calls Apple a “silent poisoner” responsible for the proliferation of “arousal addiction, sex trafficking, prostitution and countless numbers of destroyed lives.” Sevier is seeking damages from Apple but said he will drop the lawsuit if Apple agrees to sell devices with a “safe mode.” Sevier claims that his addiction started when he “accidentally” replaced the “a-c-e” in Facebook with a “u-c-k.” Sevier said this F***book site “appealed to his biological sensibilities as a male” and he started to prefer the images on the screen to his own wife. “His wife abducted his son and disappeared, which was a subsequent consequence of Apple’s decision to sell its computers not on ‘safe mode,’” Sevier argued, adding that until he got the MacBook, he had never seen porn of any kind or been to a strip club or sex shop. “The Plaintiff became depressed and despondent, unable to work as a result of observing porn on his MacBook and the impact it caused.”

Listen I’ve heard of a lot of frivolous lawsuits. America is Litigation Nation. We’ll sue anybody for anything if there’s a chance we can blame someone else for something and cash in. But suing Apple for creating the Macbook and providing you with the machinery to access porn might take the cake. Claiming you accidentally stumbled upon Fuckbook instead of Facebook is probably the cockiest lie the Justice System has ever seen.

First thing’s first, how much can you really watch porn and crack stick to the point that your family fucking leaves you? Under what circumstances does a mother and child reach the point where they’re like “Nope. My husband, their father, just beats his dick too much. I can’t live in this house with him?” That is so so so much porn and so much masturbation I can’t even quantify it. Porn and jerking off is pretty much every dude’s favorite thing in the world, and billions of us are able to keep it in check enough so that our fucking families don’t leave us. But I guess not for Chris Sevier. Guy just jerked himself into isolation.

So lets just assume for a second that its possible to beat your dick so much people cannot stand to be around you – how the fuck you gonna blame the Macbook? Sue Fuckbook.com. Sue Al Gore for inventing the internet. But don’t sue the hardware. The Macbook just lets you see the porn. Thats like blaming a fork and knife for being really fucking fat. Its like “don’t shoot the messenger” and in this case the Macbook is the messenger. Just delivering all sorts of weird ass porn that ruined your life.

PS – You started to prefer the images on the screen to that of your own wife? No fucking kidding pal.