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PETE ALONSO IS YOUR 2019 HOME RUN DERBY CHAMPION DESPITE HAVING THE WORST PITCHER IN DERBY HISTORY

Yeah Vlad vs. Joc was awesome and I’m sure all the people that were rooting for Vlad are stomping their feet and holding their breath right now. But I am here to blog about the winner of the 2019 Home Run Derby, Peter Morgan “Big Meat Pete” Motherfucking Alonso. A man that not only conquered a manchild with the blood of a Hall of Famer coursing through his veins but also conquered his own shitty BP pitcher. While other players were having shit put on a tee, Pete was dealing with balls in the dirt and that almost hit him like 50 Cent was on the bump.

However Pete carried Cousin Derek the same way he has carried the Mets all season despite facing the hometown hero, the young star of the hated Braves, and the people’s champion. I honestly believe that Pete would have crushed the field if he had Edwin Diaz, Jeurys Familia, or pretty much anybody else in the Mets bullpen as his pitcher. Yet he still took home the trophy and million bucks that the Wilpons will no doubt try to swindle from him in a Ponzi scheme or some shit. Who said this Mets season was an abject disaster? Oh yeah, anybody with a set of eyes and a brain. But it doesn’t matter because tonight Petey Polar Bear won the goddamn Derby and a couple of great charities won as well.

Not to mention a spinning chain from Daddy Yankee.

Writing that sentence almost made my head explode. I couldn’t imagine it actually happening to me.

Anyway, buy a shirt of the reigning Home Run Derby champion!

And yes I realize that Pete winning a Home Run Derby that will be remembered for an iconic showdown that didn’t involve him. But that’s just another day in life as a Met and a Mets fan.

Seriously though, I think there may be a spot in the Mets bullpen for Cousin Derek.

Now lets close out this blog with a perfect batflip by Petey!