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You May Be Having A Shitty Monday, But At Least You Weren't Attacked By A Group Of Monkeys This Weekend

I imagine most of us are dragging a bit after the 4th of July holiday. Every day last week was either a Tuesday or a Thursday in my mind followed by 4 straight Saturdays. Now we are all back at work, whether it’s wasting away in the cubes or writing below-average jokes at home to your friends on the internet. But those sunburns, hangovers, and just overall feeling of regret doesn’t compare to your life turning into a scene from Jumanji with a gaggle of monkeys trying to fuck your entire world up.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel bad for this guy one bit because India leads the league in crazy ass videos like this. Your head better be on a swivel whether you are walking in a field during middle of the day or riding your sweet ass scooter into town. If you are in India, the chances of you getting hit by a train, a lightning bolt, or a barrel of monkeys is higher. That’s just simple mathematics. The fact this guy escaped with his wallet let alone his life after being attacked by a species that is only a step or two behind us on Darwin’s chart is a huge W.

P.S. I feel like we need a better selection of words to describe a group of monkeys.

group

Troop is just bad, carload/cartload makes no damn sense unless they are in a car/cart, and barrel seems childish at best. I am officially calling a group of monkeys a Gaggle and don’t give a fuck what you or that bitch Merriam Webster has to say about it.