Dude Arrested For Masturbating While Riding A Bike

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Huff PoDifferent strokes for different spokes. Clark Duncan McElfresh, 51, was arrested in Palo Alto, Calif. on the Fourth Of July for allegedly masturbating while riding a bicycle near Seale Park, according to a press release from the City of Palo Alto. A couple called police at around 7:39 p.m. to report that the man was jerking his chain while riding a bike back and forth near their car. The couple had their two kids, both under age 5, with them, but they didn’t see the alleged self-pleasuring cyclist. Police tracked down McElfresh, who they said, matched the couple’s description of the man. He was charged with indecent exposure. According to the Mercury News, McElfresh was also cited for indecent exposure in March 2012, when police say he was walking down the street naked and touching himself.

You know in Anchorman when Baxter eats the whole wheel of cheese and Ron Burgandy isn’t mad, he’s just impressed? Gotta imagine thats how people felt about Clark Duncan McElfresh jerking off while riding his bike. That sounds like a goddam circus act. I used to be pumped if I could pull off a handlebar spin on my Mongoose. Can’t imagine giving myself a full hand job while cruising around. Just imagine the logistics – your nutsack resting on the bike seat, legs peddling smushing each side of your junk. Maybe you ride with no hands and have both your right and legt available to stroke your dick? I wasn’t very good at riding with no hands so I’d have to keep my left on the handlebars and crack it with my right. And then what happens when you finish? You just bust a nut all over your bike? Cum all up in the spokes? Some people put baseball cards in the spokes. Some put in tennis balls. Clark Duncan McElfresh puts semen in his.

PS – How about this dude being arrested last year for jerking off while walking? Its like he’s the masturbating shark – needs to constantly be in motion.