Black Friday Weekend - 20% OffShop Now

Tour Of The New Pop-Up Spongebob Bar In Lincoln Park

Last night I went out in the field to report from Replay Lincoln Park’s latest pop-up bar, Bikini Bottom, with all the other 26 year-old men there flying solo. Never wanna find yourself Tuesday-night-drinking alone at a Spongebob-themed bar but life happens. Chicago has a lot of weird stuff like this happening year-round that you never know whether it’ll be worth the Uber or not, so I thought I’d sneak in a quick tour on the site for fellow Chicagoans in the middle of all the breaking news goin’ on this Wednesday afternoon in June.

spitoon

Right off the bat I realize the pop-up is actually called The Salty Spitoon and I obviously panicked that I’d have to prove myself to a role-playing bouncer. He ended up letting me in no questions asked, which was actually a little disappointing tb totally h. Careful what you wish for. Before I can even walk through the doors I see the Hash Slinging Slasher in the flesh  to my right. Wasn’t scared but definitely wasn’t expecting it.

Screen Shot 2019-06-24 at 10.36.07 PM

Pretty wild marketing move to throw the Hash Man in the opening credits welcoming guests to your business like that, but I went to art school so really the fuck do I know (hurts a lot less when you make fun of yourself before anyone else can). One moment later I look up and come eye to eye with another Spongebob super villain, The Flying Dutchman.

65622650_2242678792701171_1642206987875778560_n

Once the haunted house is over, you’ll have the roid raging trout from the OG Salty Spitoon to make you feel welcome.

65287057_332172281043870_6986945113712754688_n

Then finally you get to meet the stars you came out for.

 65756522_464700040972636_842628534290612224_n

65313261_2369237559804740_4205022271275794432_n

People forget Mr. Krabs and Miss Puff used to bang.

65216982_871546616547789_8145889094476496896_n

64980632_311399843075838_4343450110902927360_n

65439710_1292149564293657_8804084758049980416_n

64984167_2169792316646241_5299792542919819264_n

64904573_610337912797604_8606284265480519680_n

I got a pretty reassuring “we’ll see” after asking if I could have The Hoff once Replay is done with him and on to the next pop-up. Stay tuned.

There were 2 good looking business women types at the Spitoon who asked me why I was by myself taking pictures of everything. I told them I was doing it for Barstool Chicago and they go “never heard of it.” Then I ask if they’ve been living under Patrick’s rock with him and get a pretty decent lol out of them. Before I could ask my place or yours, they search me on the site and 1st thing they see under my name is “The Irritable Bowel Syndrome Diaries Vol. 1,” and also have reason to believe I have strep, and we’re back at square one before you know it.

Now for the sight seeing/Instagram backdrops.

65190117_1255725651255762_215904484096737280_n

65213364_2348263988594267_6269741796402659328_n

Nice try, seen the episode bitch.

65273054_453260972121075_5075952913470193664_n

Took a lot to not let the basic bitch in me pose in front of this for a cheap like or 2. Also I had no one to take the pic for me since I’m at a Spongebob bar by myself, so.

65101862_447991386016094_5649643416162664448_n

65536367_823346094719463_6944429099305664512_n

No one wants to be seen at Super Weenie Hut Jr. but sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name. Place gets a bad rap for somewhere with $5 Landshark.

65172737_2407902662864946_2079854697820192768_n

64929976_2177189565835057_1346656630242017280_n

Not for sale apparently, but if only Squillium were here to see this. Awesome that they included big little things like this.

65236557_343508256329972_6523453322827923456_n

The Imagination Box from one of the goat episodes. Side note- you ever realize that your foot’s so sensitive it can feel grains of sand all the way through your sock and shoe? You didn’t. H/t Shower Thoughts.

64911140_773525413049654_3427682342305529856_n

Sadly enough I’d legitimately pay a good amount of money for that picture.

And our last stop here is gonna be the local dive with a computer judging us for being on our phone the whole time.

65285625_366054027414684_8738218024361787392_n

Love the fact that no one was at the fake Chum Bucket either. Hang it up Plankton. But S/O Replay and big S/O to all the staff for having to listen to the Spongebob “Sweet Victory” song on loop. Go check it out for yourself if you’re a Chicago stoolie and have a girl/friend/both/either you can bring so you’re not posted up independently at the Krusty Krab drinking Kelp Sodas. Solid spot to take your girlfriend when she’s complaining that you guys never do anything fun, and definitely has potential for some Instagram portraits if that’s the kind of thing you’re into. If you do plan on going, it’s the 1st stop off the Brown Line (for the Napervillians, yes going towards Kimball).

PS- Pretty big bummer not seeing Fred the Fish in the building. In memoriam: