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The Spanish Cubs Make My Cry My Eyes Out Like A Little Bitch

For a second there I thought there were Willson Contreras and Javy Baez’s kids. For a second. Then I remembered that’s not true but not before fantasizing about growing up in a Spanish Cubs household. Like imagine for one second that you’re playing little league and Javy Baez is your dad.

Are you knee deep in pussy during 3rd grade recess? Has to be right?

There’s a reason My Dad Could Beat Up Your Dad is a thing and it’s because having a sweet dad carries a lot of weight. And not that I’m kicking my 66 year old legendary old man to the curb. I’m just saying if you came from the balls of a Spanish Cub, you’re going to have a huge leg up in life and probably a huge 3rd leg while on topic.

And before this gets extremely weird let’s just pivot, stop and remember that these really are some of the best guys Chicago sports fans have ever had the distinct pleasure of supporting. I’m lucky, you’re lucky and goddamnit now I’m fucking crying.

Viva Los Spanish Cubs.