Dear Lizzy, I Slept With Someone Who Defecated On $700 Sheets, Was It Wrong To Ask Her To Pay For Them?

Dear-Lizzy

Dear Lizzy,

A few weeks back I was house sitting for a friend of mine. I invited over a woman I had met at the bar a couple of weeks prior. I ended having sex with her that night. We were just having straight vanilla sex when she orgasmed. The problem was when she orgasmed, she also defecated. I could tell she was very embarrassed. However, it was not a big deal for me and I assured her that everyone has their bad days.

The problem is that I found out the bed sheets that she ruined were worth $700. I texted her that she needed to send me money to replace my friend’s sheets. She was furious and couldn’t believe that I actually wanted to her to pay for new sheets.

Was I wrong to ask her to give me money?

Bewildered Man

Dear Bewildered Man,

I guess this shits the bed on the theory that women don’t poop.

Too bad.

Now as far as your problem is concerned, I want to thank you for enlightening us with your tale; it sparked a giant conversation between many of us here at the office who have never heard of an orgasm leading to #2. YIKES.

If it weren’t for the fact you clarified that it was “straight vanilla sex” I would have 100% thought you two were doing it up the butt. But alas, you didn’t, so there goes that theory.

I can’t even begin to comprehend the amount of embarrassment and shame this poor girl felt in the moment. To be honest, she probably still feels the humiliation and it may be months before she comfortably has sex again, and even longer before she allows herself to enjoy the act enough to cum. That stinks.

And you just HAD to ask her to pay for the sheets? Come on man. No. She is not your girlfriend and therefore she doesn’t owe you anything. I actually can’t believe you reached out to her after all that and asked her to pay! Hasn’t she suffered enough? I get dishing out $700 for a pair of sheets that don’t even belong to you seems extreme, but tough shit! They’re your friends not hers.

Maybe next time have sex in your own bed so you can ruin your own cheap sheets.

– Lizzy

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