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A Great White Shark Was Spotted At The Jersey Shore, Will Probably Leave As A Great Orange Shark

A great white shark just hanging out off the coast of Manasquan? That can only mean one thing…

This Great White Shark is ready to go. Summertime is finally here and it’s time to fucking rage. Gym Tan Laundry alllllll summer long. You can’t be going from Memorial Day Weekend to Labor Day Weekend as a pasty ass great white shark. You gotta get your tan on. You gotta get greased up. You gotta be smilin’. You gotta be dancin’. And you absolutely positively 100% needs to be shakin’ that ass. No somebody get a beater for this shark to change into. The cabs are almost here.

I’d say my favorite thing about this video, though, is you know that this is a story that these guys are going to be telling for the rest of their lives. Every chance they get, they’re going to tell people about the time that they had a 20ft great white shark come right up against their boat and chomp down on their bag of chum. Then 5 years down the road, the story is going to be a 30ft great white shark. 20 years from now, that shark is going to be at least 50ft long. By the time the last guy alive is still telling the story, it might end up being the biggest shark the ocean has ever seen. And you know what? These dudes have all deserved the right to lie about the size of this shark whenever they tell the story. Because that was a massive fucking shark and the way they handled it was beautiful. Just a bunch of guys being dudes, hype as could be about seeing a monster that could tear them all to shreds with just one bite.

Now I’ll admit that I’m not necessarily thrilled about getting into the water for the rest of the summer. But as long as this shark stays more toward North Jersey, I think I’ll be okay. As soon as he gets to Seaside he’ll probably just turn around and go back to wherever he came from anyway.

P.S. – Sharks have feelings too. People forget that.