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Turns Out All Those French Billionaires That Promised To Rebuild Notre Dame Are Ghosting The Bills

CHICAGO TRIBUNE – The billionaire French donors who publicly promised flashy donations totaling hundreds of millions to rebuild Notre Dame have not yet paid a penny toward the restoration of the French national monument, according to church and business officials.

“The big donors haven’t paid. Not a cent,” said Andre Finot, senior press official at Notre Dame. “They want to know what exactly their money is being spent on and if they agree to it before they hand it over, and not just to pay employees’ salaries.”

Almost $1 billion was promised by some of France’s richest and most powerful families and companies, some of whom sought to outbid each other, in the hours and days after the inferno. It prompted criticism that the donations were as much about the vanity of the donors wishing to be immortalized in the edifice’s fabled stones than the preservation of church heritage.

The reality on the ground is that work has been continuing around the clock for weeks and, with no legal financial mechanism in place to pay the workers, the cathedral has been reliant on the charity foundation to fund the first phase of reconstruction.

The part that bothers me is you can’t call it a pledge if you’re going to bark orders on how to use it. Like that’s not a donation buddy that’s equity in an active partnership and you can’t have it both ways. You don’t get all that good publicity for your mouth then back down behind closed doors  because you can’t handpick the architect or self-assign family naming rights to the wine cellar. That’s not how it should work.

In reality tho that’s Exactly how it works because being rich is fucking awesome. Nevermind the unbridled access to voluntary blowjobs and world class recreational activities. What makes Rich tick for me is getting to play Hard Ball with anyone at any time. Like these dudes are coming at the Roman Catholic Church right now with hundreds of millions hanging in the balance of negotiations. You know the kind of balls it takes to haggle with The Pope?

giphyAnswer: Very Rich Balls

Correct. Very Rich Balls.

And that’s how life works. Being rich so far supersedes things that I’m willing to be jealous of these French nationals. Like I’m willing to entertain a prideless life as a genetically predisposed French beta male if it means being a billionaire because again being rich is fucking awesome. I’m not saying I’d do it but I’d entertain it so with that let me close with the best countries to be a Billionaire from a guy that once spent 6 hours in a Mexican border town:

5. Wherever Dubai Is

4. Russia

3. Brazil (Butt Guy)

2. Canada (close to the USA)

1. United States of America