JJ Watt's Wedding Will Have An Open Bar....Like There's Any Other Option?

Texans star defensive end J.J. Watt, recently engaged to Dash team captain Kealia Ohai, is an advocate of the open-bar approach.

“It’s open bar for everybody,” Watt said. “It’s the only way to make a good wedding.”

Uhhhhh, ya think? I understand that weddings are not cheap, and some people aren’t fortunate enough to drop $30,000 to get married, but there is only one way to have a wedding reception: provide an open bar.

Could you imagine having to pay for drinks at JJ Watts wedding? That would break the internet. But even for common folk like you and I, are you even going to a friends wedding if it’s not an open bar? I would rather be on fire than be at a wedding sober. And I can speak from experience. The very first two adult weddings I ever went to were both ALCOHOL FREE. I didn’t know any better. I thought that’s how they all were. The first one was all the way in Illinois. I drove 7 hours to have pretzels and lemonade at the reception, then I just drove home. No need to get a hotel when you’re sober as a judge. And then the second one was right in my own hometown! The groom was a preacher or a pastor or whatever it’s called, and his parents didn’t believe in dancing. Folks, I was at a sober wedding without dancing. I had enough of those situations at my 7th grade dances. My first two impressions of weddings were that they absolutely sucked. But as of late, I’ve become very……fond…..of weddings.

So yeah, JJ Watt’s wedding is going to have an open bar. He’s from Wisconsin. Is it even legal to have a dry wedding in Wisconsin? But all jokes side, this is the only way to do it. I’d have to be very drunk to marry someone. And I definitely have to be very drunk to dance. So I can’t imagine anyone in this world not wanting to have unlimited free alcohol at their wedding. Well, except one guy…