Dear Lizzy, My Long-Distance Girlfriend Suggested We Try Having An Open Relationship

Dear-Lizzy

Dear Lizzy,

Me and my GF have been together exclusively for a couple of years now. The biggest obstacle we face is we’re in a long distance relationship so we only see each other maybe a couple weekends a month, or once a month.

She brought up the idea of an open relationship, saying that the distance is hard, and maybe hooking up with someone else every now and then wouldn’t be a bad thing for us. What’s the opinion on this? She said it’d maybe be like once a month if it happened on her end. What do you think? Thanks for the help.

David

Dear David,

Everyone is different and everyone needs different things out a relationship to feel fulfilled. I don’t know exactly what your needs are, but judging by your tone of hesitation, I would guess this idea of an open relationship doesn’t feel 100% right to you. If that assumption is true, then don’t do it.

I have known people who done the long-distance, casual relationships and for some people it does work. They get their sexual needs met when they’re feeling horny – it’s just sex – and then they go back to their partner satisfied and with zero long-distance frustration. Maybe you’re one of these people that can separate sex and emotions?

Is your girlfriend one of these people? If she is NOT and she’s presenting this “idea” to you, then she wants to break up and doesn’t want to do it so she’s telling you this so maybe you do it. Look, breaking up with someone after being with them for a couple of years is not easy and for some people saying goodbye to that person is almost impossible.

I can’t give you an exact “here is my final opinion on this” because it truly depends on the person. However, if it were me… I would be wondering why the person I am in a relationship is asking for a free pass to fuck whoever he wanted once a month. I am not someone who can  separate sex from feelings and as such, I would not want “permission” to hook up with a stranger and I would not want to be with someone who felt the need to ask for “permission” to stick his dick in someone else. That, TO ME, is not a relationship I would want to be in. (Then again, I wouldn’t want to be in a long-distance relationship to begin with, much less an open long-distance relationship.)

But that’s me. You need to figure out what you want. If this whole thing makes you uncomfortable, DO NOT DO IT because down the line as she starts hooking up with other people, it’s only going to make you feel worse.

– Lizzy

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