England Is Worried That China Has Bugged Their Pet Cats And Are Using Them As Spies

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DailyMail - If curiosity killed the cat, this  one is putting her nine lives on the line every day – and some suspect she’s not acting alone. Chancellor George Osborne’s wandering pet Freya has sparked claims of dastardly foreign espionage tactics after breaching security at some of the Government’s most sensitive buildings. Senior figures have warned the Chancellor that his highly inquisitive feline may have developed 007-style leanings since she mysteriously reappeared in Downing Street after a curious two-year absence. The Chancellor bought the tabby as a present for his two children in 2009 when the Conservatives were still in opposition and the Osbornes were living in Notting Hill, West London. But within a few months, she went missing. Last year, having moved into Downing Street, Mr Osborne’s novelist wife Frances got an out-of-the-blue call telling her Freya had been found, apparently living as a stray and being ‘looked after’ by a ‘neighbour’. She was returned to the Osbornes thanks to a microchip under her skin carrying Mrs Osborne’s phone number.  But there are some who are suspicious about Freya’s absence and wonder whether she might have been fitted with other electronic devices. ‘Some of us think the Chinese got her,’ said one Tory source. ‘She can get everywhere. You’d only have to bug her and you could find out half the Government’s secrets.’ With her ability to slip unnoticed past policemen, metal detectors and the protection squad, insiders say Freya may just be the ‘purr-fect spy’.  As Chancellor and the Tories’ chief political strategist, Mr Osborne knows more secrets than anyone else in Government. ‘I said to George “are you sure she’s not a spy”,’ the source said. ‘I mean, compared to Larry she’s certainly got a drive about her.’

A cat joining forces with the Chinese – have you ever heard of a more diabolical duo?? Usually the Chinese just eat them for dinner. But now it appears they are using felines for even more treacherous purposes. I mean of fucking course this cat is a spy. Disappears for 2 years and then just casually comes back out of nowhere. Hey guys its me, Freya, I’m just gonna wander around Parliament and the Treasury and the Castle and all the other top secret places. Don’t sweat it. No way I’m teaming up with the Chinese to spy with all sorts of microchips and cameras in my skin to bring down Great Britain.

Goddam idiots. If there’s 2 things you can’t trust in this world its Asians and cats. So a British Cat turned Chinese Spy is about as logical as it gets. If England doesn’t get their hands on this Benedict Arnold motherfucker and kill her ASAP they’re basically just letting the Chinese win. Seriously England how the fuck can you expect to be taken seriously as a superpower when you can’t even keep your goddam pussies in check?