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Iceland Is Pleading With You With Tears In Their Eyes To Stop Drying Your Testicles With Hairdryers

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“Don‘t dry your ball sack or your butt with the communal hairdryer in the swimming pool or the gym.

“Bald older gentlemen with hairy torsos must either bring their own blow-dryers or just buy a more absorbent towel.”

But the phenomenon is not isolated to Iceland.

A Reddit thread asking “old men who blow dry your balls in gym locker rooms, why do you do it?” has hundreds of responses from men who either commit the changing room crime – or have witnessed it.

Avoiding “dampness,” “stickiness” and “friction” caused by a towel are the main excuses given.

One of the worst parts of the summer is sweating. It’s non stop. You walk in from a lovely round of golf and hop in the shower. You even turn the knob to medium cool. Once you get out of the shower, your temperature begins to rise once again.

“Please, no. Please, dear lord. Allow my core temperature to drop before I start to sweat. Lord, my testicles. They will stink, my king” you begin to pray while weeping in your master bathroom.

A single ray of sunshine targets your wife’s hairdryer. It’s perched up on the counter and you say, “I’m gonna blow myself. I’ve always wanted to but just not in this way.”

Soon you become addicted to the thrill of a dry sack. Naturally after a couple of heavy sets on the ole bench press, you take a shower and eye the hair dryer at your local Icelandic gym. When you dry, you really get up in there. Dry. Dry. Dry.

Frank sees you and reports you to the front desk. They shame you and even draw your picture on a poster.

“This is fucked up, Frank. I’m a person.”

“Youre a hairy-balled freak and I’m tired of having your pubes in my gym bag.”

While running to your car and crying, you scream into your AirPods, “Siri, order me the most absorbent towel the world has ever seen.”

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Great. Now you have a whole new set of problems.