We Are Currently Living In The Greatest Era As Toilet Paper Companies Are Now Making Massively Large Rolls Of TP
Business Insider – Companies are rethinking how they package food and household goods to accommodate the growing number of Americans who are living alone, particularly as millennials delay marriage and having kids.
Among the companies making packaging changes is Procter & Gamble, which created a toilet-paper roll designed to appeal to people who live alone and may have limited storage space, Ellen Byron reported for The Wall Street Journal.
At nearly three times the size of a conventional toilet-paper roll, the new Charmin Forever Roll is massive. One Forever roll can last up to three months in a single-person household and requires half as much storage space as conventional rolls, a P&G executive told The Journal.
I would say that two of the worst feelings in the world are 1) realizing you’re out of toilet paper while you’re already mid-deuce. And 2) spending money on shit that you used to just take for granted when you lived with your parents. Things like toilet paper, laundry detergent, just basically anything that you have to buy out of necessity. It’s not like you get home and you’re like “damn, I can’t wait to use that new roll of toilet paper”. You don’t get any excitement out of the purchase. You’re now just poorer because you’re an adult now and you need to spend some of your hard earned money on basic shit.
But it appears that the fine folks over at Charmin have figured out a way to get 2 birds stoned at once with this new massive Forever Roll of TP. And this is just further proof that we are currently living in the greatest time of human existence.
Think about back when this great country was first founded. I don’t even know if they had toilet paper at all back then. People used to just wipe their ass with their bare hands. No fucking thank you. And then you can go back to just 40-50 years ago. Toilet paper from those days was essentially like wiping your ass with sand paper. It was all single ply garbage. You could see through the individual sheets of TP. Sorry, baby boomers, but I’m trying to treat my ass with a little tender love and care. I’m not trying to rip it wide the fuck open with some extra thin sheets of concrete.
Now though? Well not only do we have toilet paper that feels like it’s made out of the softest silk known to man, but we also have it in quantities that could potentially last a lifetime. I mean as long as you’re limiting your Chipotle intake to once a week or so, that Forever Roll is going to live up to its name. Sure, you may put a pretty decent dent in one of those bad boys on a Sunday morning when you’re hungover and releasing an entire weekend full of bad decisions. But the Forever Roll is going to hold up to the test. Nothing is worse when you’re hungover than needing to go out and purchase some more toilet paper because you just ran through all of yours at home. That’s just adding insult to injury. But when you have these massive rolls of toilet paper now in existence, you won’t have to reload for at least a month or so. I just feel terrible for all the people who aren’t around today to witness such a monumental moment in human existence.