Live Event2020 Cyber Monday Telethon: Escape Room EditionWatch Now
Cyber Monday Sale - 20% OffShop Now

NEWS: The US Military Is Preparing For Godzilla Like Creatures In The Future, But Has The Technology To Fuck Them Up If/When They Get Here

(SOURCE)

A bad angle of attack could cause a deflection of the bomb—unlikely for a [Massive Ordinance Penetrator] with such incredible momentum, but still possible,” our source conceded. “That’s why you have Dash 2 follow on in, just in case. If Dash 1 hit the target successfully, Dash 2 drops as well, just to make sure. In fact because this mission is so critical there should be two more MOP-equipped sorties somewhere near.”

The U.S. Air Force’s 18th Wing in Japan—America’s largest combat wing—thinks it would have no problem felling the beast. Senior Airman Mark Hermann told Air & Spacemagazine he could destroy the monster with “.50-caliber [machine guns], four helicopters.” He thinks Godzilla is a joke.

giphy

Well I’d fucking hope so.  I mean I am not totally up to snuff in the latest technological advancements of the United States Military, but if one of our fighter jets can’t take down some big ass dragon, regardless of size and fire breathing ability, how in the fuck are we supposed to take down ISIS or anything else?  I mean look at Godzilla.  Dude’s dumb as a box of rocks.  Doesn’t have any ability to think on his toes.  All he does is get pissed off and breath fire.  Gotta be able to adapt to the situation and win with your brain and not just your braun.

But my next question is why is the military so pent up about Godzilla?  Well apparently they’re forward thinking and there could be gigantic nuclear powered lizards on the horizon.  Not good!  The last thing we need is North Korea getting their hands on one of these things.  Kim Jon Un would treat them like his little lap dog and fuck up all of Japan with them probably:

The U.S. Air Force’s 18th Wing in Japan—America’s largest combat wing—thinks it would have no problem felling the beast. Senior Airman Mark Hermann told Air & Spacemagazine he could destroy the monster with “.50-caliber [machine guns], four helicopters.” He thinks Godzilla is a joke.

He’s wrong. Godzilla is a force of nature. The mighty King of Monsters would shrug off a mere four helicopters armed with machine guns.

There are people in the military taking seriously the threat of giant atomic-powered lizards emerging from the Pacific Ocean. War is Boring spoke with one noted military scientist and weapon designer via email this week to gain some insight into the Pentagon’s options for defeating the kaiju threat.

“It has and needs eyes,” the scientist told us on condition of anonymity. “First thing we need to do is blind it.”

The military has munitions that can do just that, he pointed out. “Unguided rockets filled with white phosphorous would do the trick. Nothing fancy required. Unload from a couple of rotary-wing gunships, a huge barrage, repeat as needed.”

Just get me through one more White Sox World Series, a Rose Bowl victory for Northwestern and Bears Super Bowl before the world is burnt to a toasty crisp from Godzilla’s please.  That’s not too much to ask, is it?  Also if this a fake news story just know that my mind is 100% on the draft tonight