Breast Milk Flavored Lollipops Now On Sale

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Huff Po – Lollyphile, the lollipop company that has previously brought us pops in such flavors as sriracha has debuted a new flavor: breast milk. “I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older, but it seems like all of my friends are having babies these days,” said Jason Darling, the owner of Lollyphile, in a press release. “Sure, the kids are all crazy cute, but what slowly dawned on me was that my friends were actually producing milk so delicious it could turn a screaming, furious child into a docile, contented one. I knew I had to capture that flavor.” “It’s sad that so few people are able to remember this inherently wonderful flavor,” Darling continued. “It’s a real shame that babies are so selfish, but you’ll understand their unwillingness to share once you try one of these.” The lollipops aren’t actually made with real breast milk, per se. “We are endlessly grateful to all the mothers who kept sharing their breast milk with our flavor specialists until we were able to candify it,” reads the Lollyphile website. In other words, breast milk was involved with the development, but not the actual finished product. Actually, the lollipops are vegan, if you’re curious. Want to try ‘em? Four lollipops cost $10, one dozen costs $24 or a case of 36 costs $58.

Yum! Package these together with some Pussy Pops and some Cumcicles and you’ve got yourself a variety pack of delicious bodily fluid lollipops. Its almost more disgusting that its not actually breast milk and just candied breast milk. You know what I mean? Like it almost grosses me out more to think of a team of scientists trying to replicate the breast milk flavor. Taste testing and shit like “Nope…not nutty enough. And needs to be a little more sour.” If this was some weird health nut sort of craze to get the benefits of breast milk, it would still be pretty nasty. But just knowing this is people who wanna taste artificial titty milk is just fucking gross, man. Up until now I was sure the worst flavored lollipops were Root Beer, Cream Soda, or Popcorn flavored Dum Dums. I would also throw in Cheery Blow Pops. Not only do they taste like cough syrup, but any time you’re eating a cherry Blow Pop you’re thinking about how you’d rather be having Sour Apple. But a breast milk lollipop blows them all out of the water. I wonder if there is gum in the middle that tastes like pussy?