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Hey Trump, Boom: Roasted! Some Dude Just Lit Himself On Fire At The White House

I’ve seen this movie before. It’s called Olympus Has Fallen, not to be confused with White House Down, which was like watching Chernobyl victims melt in real time. Don’t send a Channing Tatum to do a Gerard Butler job. Unlike the time that Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis made Friends with Benefits just weeks after Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portmand made No Strings Attached, and we all said Justin and Mila had made a fun and respectable second version of the same movie, White House Down was so bad that Jamie Foxx started dating Katie Holmes to get his life back on track (CITO, 2019). This is all a smoke screen for the North Koreans to drive their tanks in, lay siege to the White House, and back the American Navy out of Korean waters. Nice try, dude. You’re six years too late.

Self-immolation has been used throughout history as a way of making a point or voicing protest. Quang Duc, a buddhist monk not to be confused with Daffy Duck who—had he burned himself, might have been delicious—burned himself to death in Saigon to protest the government’s treatment of buddhist monks. Mohamed Bouazizi lit himself on fire in Tunisia in 2011, sparking the flame that became the Arab Spring. And then there was this guy, who had perhaps the most important cause of them all:

If that wasn’t one of the first Ebaumsworld videos you ever watched, we have little in common.

As for this guy at the White House, not sure what he’s going for here. In Tunisia and Vietnam, they’ll let you burn yourself to death, cementing yourself as a martyr in the pages of history. But if you light yourself up on the great lawn, they’re going to put you out real quick. And then you’re just the idiot covered in skin grafts in prison for quite some time. But when it comes to prison, I suppose it’s better to be skin graft bro than flawless, supple, hydrated skin bro.