Harvard Baseball Players React Like Gentlemen When Selected For NCAA Tournament; Poors Laugh And Mock From Afar

Did you see that? That’s what happens when you expect success, when you’re accustomed to things going your way because that’s how it’s been in your family since your ancestors plopped their duffels down in the best cabins on the Mayflower. When you have your number called for three straight centuries, you don’t holler and bump chests like some Cro-Magnon man who finally got his fire started. Look at these neanderthals:

Hey, good for you guys. Way to go, TCU and, uhm, Tennessee? Am I saying that right? Forgive me, I’m not familiar with colleges that are named after states instead of people.

I’m sure this is a big day for them. Go ahead lads, celebrate. Drink a beaker of mead, bed some tavern wenches, and push out a string of underwhelming children nine months after you received the glorious news—you made the the NCAA tournament! The world needs more of you.

Here’s the top comment:

The poors really loved this one. “YEAH! THE HARVARD BASEBALL TEAM IS ALL VIRGINS!”

Ha, if only. The baseball team fucking cleaned up. While I was there, the baseball guys made one of the original viral videos—the famous Call Me, Maybe dance. Remember this?

19 million views, at a time when fewer than 19 million people on earth had internet access. It’s the video that spawned a thousand copycats. As my dear friend Jon (winker, 2:32) said on the Today Show, “There are innovators and there are imitators.” I remind you of this seminal video because the only thing I heard for months afterward was women describing how many diapers they’d go through when they watched it. Depends, LivDry, Northshore Megamax… there was no diaper on the market strong enough to hold back the tidal wave of vaginal secretions that broke through levees, storm walls, and watertight doors whenever this clip was played. Women were mad. It became a gender issue.

The point is, Harvard gonna Harvard indeed. And that means making tons of money and having the sex with all your girlfriends. To that, we shake hands. Because it’s classless to make a show of celebrating when you’ve just banged someone’s girlfriend, especially when you know you’ll never call her.