Apparently It's Illegal To Beat Off With Your Buddies In The Woods
My Suncoast – 63-year-old Jonathan Lowell Porter and 65-year-old Paul Alan Schaffer were both arrested on the first degree misdemeanor charges after they both exposed and fondled themselves at Kiwanis Park in Port Charlotte. The Narcotics Unit conducted an undercover operation after receiving information of people participating in illegal sexual activity within the parks. The undercover officer went to Sunrise Park where he first met Porter, who engaged him in conversation. The undercover officer left Sunrise Park after about 30 minutes and went to Kiwanis Park. Shortly after he arrived, Porter pulled in to the same park. While they were chatting, Schaffer arrived on his bicycle. As soon as Schaffer got off his bike, he began to rub his genitals over top of his pants. Schaffer also began talking to the undercover detective, telling him about a secluded area of the park as Porter walked away. Schaffer led the detective down a path into a wooded area. Porter walked up to the area where Schaffer and the detective were. Both Porter and Schaffer are alleged to have exposed their genitals and to have started to masturbate. The detective signaled for other detectives to come in to take Porter and Schaffer into custody. They were transported to the Charlotte County Jail and released on $1,000 bond each.
All this time I thought Letterman was the freak slamming intern snizz half his age in his secret sex room, but Paul Schaffer takes the cake now. And although I’m not cool with riding my bike to the park looking for guys like Jonathan Lowell Porter to jerk off with, I can respect it. I don’t put a lot of thought into my spank sessions – but maybe I should. I mean, sex the same way all the time gets boring eventually, right? Switching it up every once in a while might be important to keeping the spark between me & my dick alive. Instead of racing to my bathroom & looking for the first decent YouJizz thumbnail preview every time I see cleavage, maybe my penis deserves a little spontaneity. I don’t think I’ve ever given Mother Nature a money shot. My dong might appreciate some foliage & a nice breeze. I’m just not ready to get a partner & turn it into a Cum Challenge yet…but by the time I hit my 60’s, who knows?