ABC- Anybody But Cam (And Luke P): The Bachelorette Recap Week Two
Alright! We are off and running with this season of The Bachelorette. Last night kicked off with a group date for Grant, Luke S., Mike, Jed, Jonathan, John Paul Jones, Dylan, and Luke P. run by drag queens, Alyssa and Alaska, AND the legend Miss J from ANTM. The men competed in the Mr. Right Beauty Pageant which consisted of a speedo portion and a talent portion. We were only a few minutes in and I already wanted to barf from Luke P. He was asked what he thought his biggest asset was and his dead serious response was “my character.”
All the men brought it during the speedo portion of the date. My favorite was Mike just getting out there and twerking. No shame, Mike! I know some of the guys kept their shoes on for this…but Dylan just straight up left his beige chelsea boots on??
I hope Hannah keeps John Paul Jones around for a little longer just for the entertainment factor. He is such a mystery as a human and it is hilarious.
The shocker body goes to Jed. I was not expecting that under that robe and I don’t think Alyssa was either (and also all the other guys’ faces are hysterical).
Obviously Luke P. came out in his speedo and looked ridiculous. We all knew that was coming. The man clearly works out and knows it.
He whipped off his robe and his smile was SO big. He knows he’s got it and I hateeeeeee that. Hate it.
During the talent portion we saw unicycling, trumpet playing, high heel catwalk, even an original ‘Mr. Right’ song from Jed that is catchy AF. And then Luke comes out on stage and gives a RIDICULOUS monologue saying HE IS STARTING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HANNAH. This fucking guy. It may be Week 2 but Luke has known Hannah for no more than 4 days TOPS. That is crazy person behavior and sadly, Hannah is falling for every word he says. I don’t want to assume anything, but I’m assuming the way he looks has something to do with that.
As much as it pains me to include a Nick V. tweet this was ruthless and I loved it.
Dylan’s face also sums it up pretty well.
Somehow Luke wins the Mr. Right Pageant. That crown should have gone to Jed and we all know it.
During the evening portion of the group date Mike confronted Luke P. about his confession of love and I actually cheered at my television. TAKE HIM DOWN MIKE. Mike knows a fraud when he sees one and he had no problem questioning Luke’s motives and I loved it. There’s a big difference between love and lust, Luke. Mike is also very right to say it’s unfair to all the other guys there trying to get to know Hannah when you have one idiot professing his love after a few days.
Luke also said something that left me feeling uncomfortable. “Someone who’s here for the wrong reasons couldn’t do what I did.” Well Luke, jumping the love gun after a few days is actually EXACTLY what someone there for the wrong reasons would do.
Thank GOD Hannah had a great conversation with Jed, so instead of Luke P. getting the group date rose, it went to Jed.
Hannah’s first one on one date went to Tyler G! The love child of Tanner Tolbert and Jared Haibon!
I’m going to be honest, this date was a snooze fest. Super sweet and it looks like they had a great time…but nonetheless…pretty boring. Props to Hannah for wearing an all white outfit to go mudding. Guess she wanted to really showcase the mud. I’d also like to mention that Hannah has been handling herself very well, she even brought up how she crashed and burned during her one on one with Colton. They seemed to have a great conversation, and Tyler G. got a rose.
The second group date was a roller derby for Devin, Matteo, Daron, Connor J., Kevin, Dustin, Tyler C., Joey, Peter, and Garrett. Which meant some of the guys didn’t get a date this week and that included Connor S. I just have to say we were robbed of Connor S. airtime last night and I’m very upset about it.
Oops! How did that get in here again? Anyway…
The roller derby. Boyyyyy did these guys go down hard. That will definitely leave a mark.
After the guys just sacrificed their bodies in roller skates, they headed to a beautiful…antique store!!!
It could not be more obvious how different the budget is for The Bachelor vs The Bachelorette.
Now, for the manufactured drama of the evening…Cam was not included on any dates for the week so he (producers) decided he would crash the evening. Cam may have wanted to make this move, but producers are the ones who give the OK, so clearly they wanted shit to go down. He interrupted Hannah’s time with Devin and that did not sit well with the rest of the guys. While Cam was outside speaking to the camera, Tyler C., Garrett, and Kevin all came out to reprimand him one at a time.
Hey guys, maybe go talk to Hannah instead of wasting time on your date yelling at Cam. Yell at him back at the house.
I want to give a special shoutout to Tyler C.’s cardigan. He might be one of the only guys who can rock this look.
Dustin and his nose ring got the group date rose. Yawn.
At the cocktail party, Hannah showed up looking amazing in a gorgeous red dress. For some reason, she was already crying. If we’re getting tears for having to send people home Week 2 we’re in for a longgggg season. Best moment of the night was Mike, mid Hannah cry, yelling “Can we get some Kleenex??” So funny.
We FINALLY got to see Connor S. and Hannah talk. The connection is already there and that’s why Hannah didn’t need him on any of the dates this week. Phewf.
Kevin brought Hannah outside to scream…but was interrupted by Cam, who said he set something up for Hannah and then invited Kevin to go with them…????
Cam set up a chicken nugget date and asked the golden question…
And this all happened with Kevin just sitting right next to them. It was so fucking weird. I don’t know what the deal is with Cam but I’m hoping he doesn’t have a lock of Hannah’s hair under his pillow. I’m very suspicious of a man who carries around a harmonica. I’m also going to NEED two things from him: no more rapping and stop referring to yourself in the third person. Please. ABC does not stand for Always Be Cam. It stands for Anybody But Cam.
Tyler C. also got some time with Hannah during the cocktail party and they sat in the same roses on the driveway that Kevin, Cam, and Hannah sat in. Reusable romance. I knew Tyler would bounce back after his weird Week 1 entrance and it’s happening in a big way.
Now I don’t want to yell at Hannah but, WAKE UP GIRL. She was making out with Luke P HEAVILY. I get it, the body. The sexual tension is clearly there. She is literally taking his shirt off as fast as she can. Unfortunately for them, Jed comes in to try and get some time with Hannah and…awwwwkward.
After dropping a bunch of F-bombs (go Hannah go) she somehow salvages her conversation with Jed after trying to claim they were in the room for massages?? That definitely doesn’t make it sound any better.
FINALLY we get to the rose ceremony and say goodbye to Daron, Connor J, and Matthew. Farewell gentleman. I actually thought Matthew was sent home last week.
To end the evening there was a toast and Cam sadly decided to jump in.
Give that rose back RIGHT NOW CAM.
Final Thoughts:
I think it’s pretty obvious Luke P is going to self destruct. There’s no way he gets through this show in one piece.
I also want to put this on everyone’s radar that there are some rumors about Jed (called it) not having the best intentions. I will direct you to our girl Kelly Keegs Instagram Live for the details. To sum it up, it seems like Jed might have left a girl at home/might be on the show to further his career. I guess we will have to wait and see if the truth reveals itself.
See ya next week!