Mullet. City. Population: This pants pooping bandit.
TC Palm – A man who said he fled an accident scene because he had “bad” Chinese food and didn’t want to poop in his pants was arrested on a misdemeanor charge, according to a recently released affidavit. What could be called the case of the driver who didn’t wish to defecate in his drawers began about 6:30 a.m. May 6 in Port St. Lucie when a police officer went to the 500 block of Southwest Todd Avenue for a traffic crash. A man told the officer a red pick-up truck left after backing into his vehicle. Shortly after that, Carlos Baca, 27, returned to the scene. The man identified Baca and his vehicle from the crash. “Baca reported he left briefly because he had ‘bad’ Chinese food and did not want to defecate in his pants,” an affidavit states. “Baca apologized for leaving, but believed he had no choice, as he was on the verge of defecating in his pants.” Baca said he had no license, and apologized for driving without one. The affidavit did not state where Baca apparently got the Chinese food, nor did it state whether Baca defecated in his trousers.
There are certain times in life that you can excuse criminal behavior. For example – I, for one, personally believe if you wake up in a stranger’s house and you’ve been drugged and you have cum all over your face, I think you can justifiably murder someone. In a much less morbid and tragic example, if you have a colon full of beef and broccoli with garlic sauce and you’re about to shit yourself, you should get a free pass on a hit and run fender bender. There should be legal loopholes and stipulations stating if its a non-violent crime with no injuries and you’re about to fill your pantaloons with a donkey sized load of poop, you are absolved from all wrong doing until the bathroom situation is rectified. Its not like this guy thought he wasn’t guilty. He returned to the scene. Explained himself and apologized. To be perfectly honest, if this Mexican shit himself on the scene and police had to arrest him with a huge dump in his khakis, they probably would have ended up tasing him and shit out of spite. He went home, took care of business, returned to the scene and accepted his punishment. Nothing but a goddam gentleman.